I’ve decided to try and follow a January prompts writing plan. This year is for me to be about learning to enjoy writing again without the pressure of a false idea of perfection.
So here we go.
January 1st : Start here
Start here at the beginning, this should be a time of excitement and anticipation yet I always struggle to start anything. The fear of failure looms above me like the dark cloud on a miserable day. Expectation breeds anxiety inside of me, I’m scared to fail before I even try.
I’ve learned a lot about myself this last year especially. How I have build up false accounts in my mind to protect me. I had convinced myself of so many falsehoods, hiding myself from judgement or the pain of broken promises.
I’m examining these lies I’ve told myself and trying to work out what’s truth from the protective façade.
From simple things like I don’t like craft to places I have convinced myself I don’t wish to visit. Unpicking the pain and brokenness and trusting myself to make my own judgements. Not allowing the past to define my future.
This may just sound vague and that’s ok. Todays not the day to open wounds in a public arena but a day that I start to allow myself to heal.
Trusting myself to feel the rejection and stand strong in my own truth.
Believing that I am ready to finally allow myself to be me.
So here on the first day of the new year, I allow myself to begin to heal.
To begin a journey of new understanding.
Let’s find me.