My word for 2019

So here we are on the eve of a new year and the ending of a old. I cannot say that 2018 was the hardest year of my life as nothing compares to 2008, but my goodness it has sucked at times. 2018 has been a year of growth, I’ve learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined. For years I have been professing self confidence or self awareness but this last year I have owned my words. I am very much a work in progress and I have a lot let to achieve and change. Still I am so ready and have already began, who needs a date on the calendar to start, everyday is new beginning a new opportunity to live the life you want.

2018 has brought me so much, I have friendships I cherish, new opportunities and exciting moments that have become incredible memories. We didn’t get to experience many adventures but that restriction in itself has allowed me to grow and finally learn my self worth.

That leads me nicely to my word choice of 2019, WORTH.

2019 is the year I want to continue working on my worth. Learning to see the value in who I am. Appreciate all that I can do. For a long time I have mixed up self worth with ego. That to pat oneself on the back is egotistical and wrong. I’ve searched for the value of myself in others opinion’s not knowing my own truth. 2018 has taught me some hard lessons, that sometimes no matter how much you try or do for others it doesn’t always make them respect or love you more. That I am also not responsible for everything in this world, that others have responsibility too and that sometimes things will just not work out or be as you wish it to be.

I’m learning that it’s ok not to actually like others, that it’s not evil to just think that you don’t want that person in your life.

Realising that the things you do should be in joy not just obligation. If you find yourself dreading a meeting, a group that you don’t actually need to be part of you can leave. It’s not letting people down by admitting that this isn’t your place. I mean what use are you if your heart and mind are not invested?

I have realised this last year that I don’t need to belong anywhere, sometimes I want to and that’s fine but I don’t need to. I can go places and enjoy the moment without wishing I had been invited into a group or a conversation. I am finally happy in my own skin.

Non of this is saying that I don’t want people in my life in fact just the opposite, I want to find true value in friendship, build stronger bonds and definitely make more memories.

I’m excited for 2019, I’m nervous of the changes it will bring especially as we continue to foster and extend our family. I’m excited to watch Daniel grow and start staying at school longer. I’m praying his health is stable and he gets the opportunity to live fully. I’m terrified that my baby girl is going to become an adult this year, it was hard watching her sisters come of age but she has and always will be my baby so it’s hitting harder with her. My girls have all changed so much over this last year. I’m hoping 2019 is a year of goal reaching and dream making for them. Also for the two loves that have their hearts you two are both family and I pray 2019 brings you both your dreams ( beyond my beautiful daughters of course).

For my long suffering husband ( his words ) Alan. I want you to share my word with me, you are one incredible man and I only wish you would know this more. I wish adventure for you and excitement full of joy and memories. Remember to laugh a little more and just enjoy the moment just because.

As for me I want to continue my journey of loving and laughing. I would like to be a little more organised and a lot let anxious but I’m ready to celebrate who I am right now and who I will become. I’m excited for 2019 a year of making more memories. Of only saying yes if I really want to and allowing myself the freedom to grow and learn.

May it be a good year, may we make it a good one because let’s be honest the date on a calendar does not define our destiny, we do.

My word for the year 2016

As I start the new year I want to continue with my tradition of choosing a word for the year. A word I hope will be something I can turn to throughout the year.

My word for 2016 is ‘truth’.

2015 was a year of two halves. A real mixture of celebration and heartbreak. 

I got to live some amazing moments, walking the catwalk for amazing brands at Style XL in July. Not just jumping over my self confidence barriers I crashed straight through them. I’ve enjoyed every moment that I got to model and have grown so much in confidence. I’ve learned what I like to wear and how to wear it. Hoping 2016 is another year full of fashion and fun. 

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The experiences I have had from the plus size fashion world have been wonderful but to be truthful it’s the friendships that have blossomed from this community that have really blessed my life. I have had the great pleasure of meeting some truly radical, inspirational women. Women who fight daily to get women of all shapes and sizes equally represented in the world of fashion. But also women who have really shown me what community means, support, guidance and encouragement. 

I also got to start on the journey of achieving one of my longest held dreams. I started my degree course in September. I still get goosebumps when I realise that I’m now in the 2nd year of my degree. I was lucky enough to move past year one due to the prior knowledge and training I have had. My degree is in Therapeutic childcare and I’m so exciting to be learning as much as I can to help and support children who have faced neglect and trauma. This is truly where my heart lies. The fact that I’ve also made some rather lovely friends on the course is a true added bonus. 

To be fair 2015 was a good year, I have had some incredible moments and a lot of things and people that I am so thankful for. 

I’m also ending 2015 with a new addition to my family as we have opened our home and hearts to a second foster son. So be prepared for some baby posts as I find my feet with my new addition. To say I’m a little excited is a massive understatement.

2015 also brought with it some amazing opportunities for Livvy’s Smile, we created some wonderful memory making days and got to see some truly beautiful smiles. Excited to see what we can achieve in 2016.

  

  

Yet 2015 hasn’t been all good, I have watched my friends walk some painful paths. We have to say goodbye too soon to those who just couldn’t stay. Nothing I can say will help ease the pain of these losses but we will remember and honour those we miss. 

So why am I moving into 2016 with the word truth as my beacon? I’m not sure if I can actually find the words to describe why and what this means to me but I guess I will try. 

For a long time I have felt lost, like I wasn’t hundred percentage sure who I was and to be fair what I believed and what I wanted to stand for. Yet over 2015 I found myself really searching deep inside about what I wanted from life. Looking into oneself has never been easy for me, I tend to self judge and cause myself pain. Yet this last year I decided to stop blaming myself for anything and everything and know my own truth.

So that’s why I’m moving into 2016 with the word truth at the forefront of my mind.

I’m going to focus on knowing my own truth, I’m going to work towards being able to help children know their own truth.

I’m going to stand up for the truth needed in the world today. To see all people treated equal, fight discrimination against disability, ethnicity and faith. To see everyone celebrated for the people they are. We are all unique amazing individuals. We live our own truth.

So as I welcome in 2016 I do so with excitement and joy. I’m know the next 365 days are going to be full of challenges and changes but if I could have one wish this year it would be no more “too soon’s.”

So today I wish you all a Happy New Year and hope and pray that 2016 is all you wish it to be.