No means no

It’s not new for me to find myself p*ssed off at some tripe spoken by someone in the public eye.

Be it the fat hating Katie bitch Hopkins or the disability hating spew of Ian Duncan Smith . You can guarantee that someone will annoy me I am rather passionate that way.

But to be fair I do believe in the freedom of speech and I accept that even idiots get voice boxes, but when singer Chrissie Hynde suggested it can be a woman’s fault that they are raped I have to shout out, what the hell.

Seriously in this century and in this society we shouldn’t have to face such ignorance as this. 

Women have the right to wear whatever they wish without the fear of rape.

Also this isn’t just a women’s perspective I have spoken to many men that feel this way. Men who hate to be portrayed as creatures than cannot control themselves when faced with a mini skirt and high heels.

“Lucy Hastings, director of Victim Support, said: “Victims of sexual violence should never feel or be made to feel that they were responsible for the appalling crime they suffered – regardless of circumstances or factors which may have made them particularly vulnerable.

“They should not blame themselves or be blamed for failing to prevent an attack – often they will have been targeted by predatory offenders who are responsible for their actions.”

Chrissie Hynde seriously, you state that you feel responsible for the sexual assault you suffered. 

No and No

The only person responsible for sexual assault is the one doing the assaulting.

I don’t care if a woman walks around in underwear or naked this does not in any way make them less of a victim.

No means no.

I wouldn’t mind if the statistics actually matched up with this theory but they don’t. Sexual assault happens to all, polo necks or G-Strings. 

It happens in marriages, workplaces and it also happens to men as well. 

Over 90% of rape victims know their perpetrator.

I’m sorry Chrissie Hyde but my respect for you has just left the building. Comments like yours lead woman rights back in to the dark ages.

Would you ever say to a male rape victim he is to blame because his jeans were too tight? 

I am furious right now and I am appalled that all those who have suffered such assaults have to deal with ignorant comments like this.

I respect woman and I respect the rights of woman to wear whatever they want, when they want. 

A tight miniskirt isn’t an invitation to be raped.

High heels, crop tops don’t say yes please.

Sex should always be consenting if it isn’t it’s assault.

It doesn’t make any difference what you are wearing or what you aren’t.  

No means no. 

If you are a victim of a sexual assault please speak to someone who can help and support you.

    

http://rapecrisis.org.uk

  

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk

True beauty

If you have been on social media this week or have watched or read the news you would have heard about the remarks Loose women, ex pop star Jamelia as said regarding clothing brands and the availability  of clothes in sizes that she doesn’t believe to be healthy. How she believes that High street stores should not stock sizes below a 6 and over a 20 as ‘they’ should feel uncomfortable if ‘they’ are unhealthy.

So many wonderful bloggers have eloquently written about this and in a way that I couldn’t do it justice.

The reason I cannot find the words is simply because Jamelia’s statement stole from me. They took away a feeling of self confidence that I had finally found only after the last few years. She made me feel like

a) a burden on society

b) someone who should be ashamed

Thankfully the amazing Debz from The not so secret diary of a wannabe princess decided to do something about these remarks. In her words

 ” I feel that by saying ‘they’ should shop in specialist shops and ‘they’ should be made to feel uncomfortable it is all very anonymous. It is easy to say that a bunch of blank faces (and bodies) should be treated a certain way, but what Jamelia (and anyone who agrees with her) needs to realise is that WE are real people. We have REAL feelings, REAL jobs, friends and families. When you say that people should make ‘them’ feel uncomfortable you are encouraging them to treat US differently.. US as in real people.
So, Jamelia and anyone who feels that ‘they’ should be made to feel uncomfortable 
‘WE ARE THE ‘THEY’

Then Debz encouraged women of the sizes that ‘Dr Jamelia’ doesn’t believe are healthy to take to social media and share photos of themselves
Using the hashtag #wearethethey

I cannot tell you how this hashtag has moved me over the last two days. Beautiful women size 20 and over and equally as beautiful woman size 6 and under celebrating their bodies as they blooming well should.

My own journey with body acceptable has been hard, from a teenager full of self loathing and self harm I only finally loved my body once it started to grow a child. When I could throw away all the falsehoods and realise what an amazing thing my body truly was.

I  actually don’t remember a time when I didn’t think I was fat. When my body was the size that Jamelia  considers acceptable I hated it. Living on a diet of cigarettes and vodka scared to eat. Hating my body for what it was, punishing it daily left me with a body that was failing and my mind, well let’s not go there.

I actually dread to think where I would be now if I hadn’t met my husband and got pregnant with my first born when I did.  Knowing that a life was forming inside me changed me. I finally understood what true beauty was.

Now it would be wonderful if my mind set had stayed in this place but 4 children in 5 years left my body rather ragged, but thankfully being able to be active with the girls and teaching dance my body was in a place that I was happy with or I could accept.

Then to cut a long story short I was attacked and beaten and then due to complications was left with an immune system that was failing.

10 years later I am left with a health issue that effects every part of my life. I take numerous medicines and my ability to do physical things is sorely limited. I also live in constant pain.

Now this had changed my world from one were I was a fit dance teacher to one where for a while could barely walk.

I had to find a new kind of normal.  I also had to face a changing body and one I hated . The old self hatred rose it’s ugly head. I struggled, clothes became a non issue, a uniform of jeans and baggy clothes became my wardrobe. Never did I wake up excited about what I was going to wear. Photographs of me disappeared, I became the photographer never the photographed.

Then thankfully a few years ago I came across some plus size bloggers, women who were actively shouting I’m here and I want to look good. Women who advocate that fashion should come in all sizes.

Women who changed me.

Now I look in the mirror and like what I see, yes I’m overweight but my diet is good. It’s certainly a lot better than it was back In the days of cigarettes and vodka.

I’m swimming each week, raising 4 amazing children and working  full time as a foster carer to children with special needs.

I love life and I’m really living.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this Jamelia I am not ashamed of who I am.

How dare you suggest I should be made to feel uncomfortable anywhere.  I am a beautiful, incredible woman and I only hope that one day that you will realise that beauty is not found in the number on your label and that health is not always something you can see.

Please consider your position as well, consider all those women who you destroyed with your words. Opinions are like assholes we all have them, yet when in a position of privilege in this case being beamed into thousands of homes around the UK please think before you speak. The shit you spew can and I can assure you has damaged someone.

When the world stops judging people’s value on appearance then the world will finally see true beauty.