Pieces of Silver

I took my necklaces off tonight.

They aren’t just any old necklaces they were my heart wrapped up in pieces of silver.

My cross baring an open dedication of my faith and the chain also holding Livvys ring, that tiny little ring full of memories and giggles. Taking us back to that jewellers in Tenby and certain stubborn young lady knowing which one she wanted and the giggles as she stuck her hand up for any stranger than walked by as if to say , look at my new ring.

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My portrait of Livvy immortalised in a silver charm, my dog tag of identity Livvy’s mom

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As I said two special necklaces.

But tonight I felt the need to lay them safe for a while in the jewellery box.

Livvys ring is starting to wear from the constant use and the questions of “is that your daughter ” are starting to wear at my soul.

Yes that is my daughter and yes I miss her desperately but you know what I’m a mom to four amazing daughters.

I want to celebrate in this. In their own individual crazy way these beautiful girls are the light of my life. The essence of my heart.

I have to stop the grief from holding me in the past and allow myself to embrace the future.

The truth is I don’t need a chain or a portrait to carry Livvy with me she is in every breathe that I take, in every beat of my heart just like her sisters,all four of them.

A mothers love has no bounds.

We are proud !

 

Like everyone over the last week I have been glued to my television watching the Olympics.

 

Finding myself caught up in the emotions and desires.

 

Celebrating the achievements with tears of joy and crying with sadness at the loss of dreams.

 

Yet one thing that has really got to me is the sadness of the British Olympians who haven’t got gold. They seem to think silver and bronze are fails, not good enough.

 

My heart aches and I’m finding myself screaming at the television “we love you”.

 

Everyone of the athletes that have participated in these games should be holding their heads high. Just to qualify for the Olympics means you are amazing, you are awesome.

 

The time, the dedication you have given to your chosen sport makes you a winner in my eyes.

 

For those holding their gold medals in their arms we as a country are so proud of you.

 

For those with silver and bronze you are winners too.

 

And for those who are leaving empty chested just remember we as a country admire and respect you.

 

You ALL did us proud.