After the storm.

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.  – Haruki Murakami

 

 

I can’t explain why this quote really affected me.

Why it just made perfect sense.

It just seems to be the journey of my life.

Riding the storms,

"Stormy Weather" by dan "FreeDigitalPhotos.net"
“Stormy Weather” by dan “FreeDigitalPhotos.net”

 

Not knowing how I survived but finding myself completely changed by the end of it.

It’s as if in the middle of the hurricane the adrenaline fuels your survival mechanism so that you don’t think or feel.

 You just survive.

Yet then in the lull of the storm the emotions rise and your heart and mind rage.

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Hurricane By Victor Habbick FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I remember the times when I was in hospital with Livvy those scary times when I should have fallen apart I didn’t.

Then afterwards when we returned home and she was well and happy i would burst into tears and the slightest of things.

Our minds are crazy things, they protect us in ways we don’t realise.

The human instinct for survival comes from deep within.

Yet all storms change us and then we have to venture on a journey of self discovery to find out who we are now.

The aftermath.

I’m on this journey right now.

The storm has raged for such a long time I’m struggling to recognise who I see in the mirror.

Change has to happen I accept that

It’s how we grow.

Yet sometimes life turns from a brisk wind into a fiery hurricane.

Inflicting damage of the greatest proportions.

It changes you in ways you could never of imagined.

Never have foreseen.

Yet you survive and slowly you have to walk your fingers over your face.

Learn the new lines and creases that have formed.

Search the depths of your mind, count the beats of your heart.

Find the new you.

The one that survived the storm.

 

 

So am I after your body?

Seriously at times I have considered getting rid of the pre-approval of comments on my blog and just trusting in the human race.

But then a couple of months ago I had quite an aggressive one about me being a bad mother so I left well alone.

But nothing prepared me for today’s highlight.

A few weeks ago I wrote this post about starting to learn to love and respect myself as I am.

It was a well received post with a lost of people tweeting, messaging me saying they also are trying to get into that place too.

Well today I was surprised to receive this comment.

“This isn’t about finding yourself it’s about getting attention cause you are vain. Or maybe you are after a sympathy shag”.

Seriously how in the world do I respond to that?

Obviously this person believes my journey is about vanity rather than self confidence and self respect.

To be perfectly honest I’m in shock at this response. I don’t believe I was courting attention at all.

I wasn’t going to publish this as to be honest I was embarrassed but you know what that’s how bullies work. By making you stay quiet and question who you are.

My journey is simply that MINE. It’s something I am going on for me.

I share it so others can relate not to procure sexual favours.

Enough said !!!!

Comment deleted </strong>

Taking responsibility

I was reading the news yesterday and I was shocked at the lack of responsibility the world seems to take for its actions.

The gun is blamed for gun crime, yet I’ve never since a gun shoot itself.

The drugs are blamed for addiction but I’ve never seen a drug just jump up into someone’s mouth on its own.

The Internet is blamed for porngraphy yet people are the ones who hit search.

Social networking is an invasion of people’s privacy yet that’s only if people choose to tell the world everything.

It’s crazy as don’t get me wrong there is an evil in all the above and in many more things but the denial of self responsibility is the greatest evil.

This world needs a big shake up, it’s so easy to blame others, try and shift the blame, dirty the waters.

But what about truth?

What about honesty?

The beauty in confession.

Not one of us is perfect

We all fail

But maybe just maybe if we accepted more self responsibility there maybe less heartbreak in this world.

Less murder

Less crime

Less addiction

Lets take responsibility for how we act. Society can and will lead us to the moment of circumstance that requires us to do the right thing.

At that moment let our decisions be our own and let us take the consequence or joy of our own responsibility.

Weight Watchers Back 2 Best

One of my main issues when it comes to self confidence or should I say lack of self confidence Is down to me being overweight.

 

It feels like I’ve been large forever and I simply I hate it.

 

So now  Ive decided i am going to stop with the excuses. No more blaming the thyroid disease no more blaming the fibromyalgia and the medication I take. I have to take responsibility for the fact that I adore food and eat to much of it.

 

So as luck would have after making this deciton a few weeks ago I applied to be part of Brit Mums and Weight watchers Back to Best  Challenge and guess what I was chosen. Along with 20 other bloggers  I get to to trial Weight Watchers online membership for six months, using all the support Weight Watchers has to offer and also their new Weight Watchers app which you can find in your app store.

 

The plan allows you a certain amount of points daily and with the help of the app you monitor and guide your way towards weight loss.

 

I am really bad at dieting as soon as I hear the word ‘diet’ i’m hungry. Food is a real comfort to me so this isn’t going to be easy. But I am desperate to get myself somewhere near what I used to be. I want to be able to walk into a shop and find a size that fits.

 

So anyway thats my plan, I am going to follow the Pro points diet for the next six months and see how it goes.

 

If you fancy joining me in my quest to lose those excess pounds, Weight Watchers are offering you the change to try the online membership for a week at the trial price of £1 and the app for free. *Please note that the plan will renew after a week if you do not cancel it.

 

 

I’m not going to share with you my starting weight, in fact I’m still reeling from the horror of it. What I will share is that I have been following this plan for one week and on my weigh in yesterday I have found that I have lost 4,lb. I am so happy with this and it has really motivated me.

 

I confess the plan is really easy to follow but I am finding myself hungry, so I am in need of some healthy snacks that don’t include fruit (weird lady with texture issues). Any suggestions.

 

So there I go, my start of the journey to a new me, ok maybe a slightly used new me. But hopefully one I will be more happy with.

 

If you use twitter follow mine and the other bloggers journey at #WWBack2Best

 

*Yes weight watchers have gifted me an online membership for 6 months and also a hamper full of weight watchers goodies but all opinions are my own.

 

 

 

Changing myself

The only one thing I can change is myself, but sometimes it makes all of the difference.’. Unknown

As you all have probably realised I love quotes. I adore them on paper, screen, wall art, notebook, magnets anywhere. They inspire and uplift me.

The quote above is pretty apt for the stage I am reaching in my life. For a long time I haven’t really liked who I was. To chubby, to weak, to thick, not dedicated enough , terrible wife, dreadful mother have all been thoughts that have crowded my mind at one point or another.

I’ve never allowed myself to see what I’ve achieved or how far I’ve come. Or how strong I have been. The negative has definitely overweighed the positive.

Yet today while mucking about in a clothes store with Alan my husband I finally realised the difference between vanity and respect for oneself.

Looking in the mirror and saying “hey you are pretty ok”. Is not the same as saying “hey world look how great I am”.

The time has come for change, I believe I have a lot to be proud of. I have achievements I should respect.

As the quote says “‘The only one thing I can change is myself,” but doing this has made a difference.

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A weird few days

Its been a weird few days. I have found myself up and down like a yo yo. I haven’t any real reason just a few things getting to me when I shouldn’t let them.

I sometimes wonder if I’m my own worst enemy. I get so passionate about things. So involved. I love with all that I am. I embrace friendship with all that I have. I try the hardest I can, to be the best that I can be.

Sometimes being this way is great, I experience life to the fullest but when things don’t go to plan or people aren’t who I thought they were I’m left deflated, devastated.

So what do I do?

Do I change who I am and hold back? Learn to be more protecting of my heart. Do I teach myself to slow down?Do I stop trusting so easily?

I don’t know.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
– Dr. Seuss