Woo Hoo I’m modelling at Style XL

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh


This quote pretty much sums up the journey I have been on over the last 12 months.

For so long I have been searching for acceptance from others.

Trying to be the person I believed they wished me to be.

Struggling to be happy being someone I’m not.

It’s took me a long time to realise that the only acceptance I really need is from myself.

If I don’t love me how can I ask others too.

So this is my journey.

I’ve searched my heart to learn more about myself.

What I want in life?

What I want to achieve?

I’ve also had to learn to appreciate the body I have.

It may not be the body of my youth but it has birthed four amazing girls.

Suffered a major assault and now fights the effects of fibromyalgia and spine damage.

So in light of all this it is pretty amazing.

So on this body confidence note

I want to tell you about something I am doing in August.

It’s something I would have never imagined I would ever do again.

On August 2nd  I am modelling as part of a plus sized event called Style xL


I will be strutting my stuff alongside some beautiful ladies.

I still can’t believe I’m doing this but I am super excited and I know it’s going to be an amazing day.

I am truly thrilled and can’t wait.

Style XL is going to be the Midlands first ever plus size fashion event and it’s going to be amazing.

Organised by Leleicious the event will showcase some of the Plus size brands that exist in the UK.

There will be the opportunity to view the latest trends coming for 2015 and maybe even purchase something awesome from the market stalls.

Showcasing their beautiful clothes are the brands




I am so excited I could burst.

It’s going to be a fantastic event.

I know the beautiful Leah has been working so hard to create this awesome day.

Seriously it’s going to be a truly inspiring day.

Of course if you want to see me conquer my demons and walk that catwalk you do need to come along.


Tickets are on sale now.


PicMonkey Collagestyle xl

Dear Fatty

Last week I had a lovely comment on my blog. I use the word lovely as sarcastically as possible as the comment was in fact a insult.

Someone, some troll had decided I needed to be taken down a peg or two and tell me that I was fooling myself if I believed that I was anything but a fatty.

 How nice!

 Yet the thing that got me about this comment was my reaction.

 I seriously couldn’t give a crap. (Thats me being polite).

Six months ago that comment would have sent me to my knees. I would have cried and hated myself.

But last week I just laughed.

You see I have finally accepted something about myself.

Yes I’m a fatty 

 But you know what?

I am blooming beautiful too.

So thank you Miss xxxxxx for your comment last week. You made me realise how far I have come on my journey.



I had a realisation last night that I had given up on hope.

Hope of peace, hope of friendship and so much more.

I finally understood what my husband had been saying when he tells me I have been holding people at arms length.

Scared to push forward.

I have held back from joining groups.

Stopped taking part.

Just digging deeper into myself.

I had let fear become greater than hope in my heart.

I can blame it on many reasons but i believe the main three to be

Fear of rejection and failure

Self confidence

Self punishment

I am so fearful I will get hurt again that I have closed of my heart.

Scared to live life openly and fully.

Self confidence, when you grow up never feeling good enough it’s a hard journey to get to a point when you can look in the mirror an say “believe”.

Self punishment – I have a lot of baggage here. From a wild youth of drinking, drugs to the blaming myself for losing Livvy. Second guessing decisions that wasn’t mine to make.

I had lost HOPE.

So today I am setting myself on a new path.

One where I start to believe again.

One where I start to trust again.

One where I start to hope again.


The person I was meant to be.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
e. e. cummings

How true is the above quote. I feel at times that the world just doesn’t like me. Magazines, articles, tv programmes telling me I should be slimmer, dress better, have the perfect style.

Simply telling me to be different.

That who I am isn’t good enough.

But the truth is that is all lies.

We are all exactly who we are meant to be.

Ok yes of course being slimmer would be nice, a new wardrobe of clothes very welcome.

But who I am isn’t found in my appearance it is found in my heart.

Look deep inside do I like what I see?

This is the question I am asking myself today.

If there are changes I need to make I will make them for me not for the persona the world wants to create.

It’s not easy, it’s a daily battle.

My grandad once told me that I had an issue with conformity. That I saw it as a challenge.

Maybe he is right, to be honest I haven’t a clue, but for a long time I tried to be the person I believed others wanted me to be and it left me so unhappy.

So now I’m on a quest to be me.

The person I was meant to be.


Anyone know the way?

It’s crazy somedays I just get so caught up in my lack of self confidence that everything seems to be so different to how it really is.

It’s like my reality can be screwed up by my emotions.

Today I’ve been feeling really down on myself, someone had said something to me that just robbed me of my self confidence in one sentence.

The crazy thing is I don’t think they meant it to sound how I heard it.

They were talking about learning more, I was hearing “you are thick and know nothing.”

How do I get to point of belief?

A point where I believe in myself.

I’m trying hard to let things wash over.

To have faith in myself.

To be true to myself and liking who I am.

It’s a journey with a lot of dead ends. I feel like I’ve taken the wrong road at times and are completely lost.

Does anyone have a map?

Anyone know the way?