"We carry with us, as human beings, not just the capacity to be kind, but the very choice of kindness" – R J Palacio
Right now I am stuck in a wet muddy field in Wales, I am cold and my shoes squelch.
Yet none of this matters because guess what I am in a field in Wales.
I am in one of my favourite places to be.
I am surrounded by green fields and I can see the ocean.
So I am happy.
Well today’s blog post was supposed to come to you all from the beautiful Gower coast. But thanks to a faulty air flow thingy we are back at home gutted that we won’t be visiting the sea anytime soon.
To be perfectly honest it could be worse but right now it doesn’t feel like it.
I have sad kids and a broken minibus so all is simply not great right now.
It’s been a hard 6 months with family issues, Eden’s diagnoses and my health worries so we all so needed this break.
I was so looking forward to recharging my batteries from the sea and my kids were looking forward to just being kids.
So right now we are all feeling pretty low.
Grateful that we all managed to get home safe and sound.
But gutted as we all really needed a break.
So ironically we are broken like the minibus.
Every time I visit my daughters grave I feel a little more wrecked inside. The pieces that were starting to heal shatter again.
Will it ever get easier?
Why do I have to visit my daughter at her grave?
Why is laying flowers the only thing I can do for her now?
I’m angry today
It feels so unfair
So unjust
When there is so much evil in the world why did we have to lose such innocence?
I know it’s crazy but somedays I can ride the sea of grief but today I am drowning.
Image courtesy of Victor Habbick at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Anyone have a life buoy?
Image courtesy of cbenjasuwan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
So now I’m home and finally beginning to warm up again I can share my week in wet Weston super mare.
To be honest considering the weather was dismal we did have some fun moments but my goodness at times it was so very cold.
We got to visit a local Orchard and sample some of their sweet cider.
Visit the new Weston pier, which to be honest I felt didn’t have the same character as the old one. To me it was just a walk way to amusement hell.
Though the views off the pier were stunning.
We got take our dog for his first dip in the sea and even he thought it was too cold.
Of course we had the family posing moments.
We also got to have a wonderful lunch at the seafront Belvedere bar club & Terrace the fish was simply yummy. I really recommend trying it out if you are ever in Weston.
The girls also had to try out the rides.
So as I said it was wet, it was cold but we were together as a family.
Making memories.
What a blissful, few days. We have just returned from a caravanning holiday in South Wales, Rhosselli and it’s been great. The sun was out for three perfect days where we got to sit on the beach, play in the sea and build sandcastles in the sand. The kids have laughed and played and also slept which was blissful by itself. We also got to spend some wonderful time with friends.
I have been struck by many things over the last week. Firstly I think we need to move by the Sea. The feeling of calm I get when I watch the ocean it just fills me with a peace I can’t find elsewhere. Just watching the waves energies my very soul.
Secondly I love the stars. One thing I dislike about living in a built up area is I never get to lie outside and look at the stars. Sitting outside on the campsite I got to chat to Brodie about the windows in heaven. Then as we just sat cuddling a shooting star flashed across the sky. A memory made forever with my baby.
There is also nothing more beautiful than standing watching the sun set over the ocean. For a long time as I stood there I felt heaven was within reach. That Livvy was at the end of my fingertips. I felt such harmony at the connection between heaven and earth.
So now I’m home with a caravan that needs cleaning, two big bags of washing and a new school year to get prepared for.
I’m glad to be back but I hope my inner peace will stay around for a while. If not I better start planning our move.
Rebel with kindness 
