My baby is now a senior

That’s it no more school run!

My baby is now officially a senior.

I can’t believe how grown up
She looks all dressed up in her uniform.

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My eldest is now in 6th form, my 2nd in year 10 and my baby in year 7.

How did this happen?

No playground duty, no school drop offs or pick ups.

I only have to wave them off.

I’m not liking it at all.

What do our children have to grow up?

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It’s Back to School

I’m so grateful for the newly ironed school uniform. The concept of a few hours peace sounds heavenly.

I’m exhausted it’s been a chaotic two weeks.

A trip to Blackpool for an ice skating competition.

Horse riding days.

Days at the park

Easter egg hunts

Marathon shopping trips

Holding a fund raising event for Livvy’s Smile.

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Add into this dealing with the temper tantrums of teenagers and challenging behaviour due to autism it’s been an eventful few weeks.

Did I mention I was exhausted!

I would love to say that I will be spending today resting up and catching some zzzz’s but I have a to do list a mile long.

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Phone calls to make, emails to write and events to organise.

Things that I couldn’t get done with four crazy kids around me.

I’m sure I’m not alone. I do wonder how moms who work from home manage it. I really struggle to concentrate with the noise level my children bring. Background noise of the Disney Chanel in one room the foo fighters in the other.

How do they do it? I have upmost respect for women who can or have to keep working through the holidays.

As a foster carer I guess I’m always working but paperwork seems to come to a halt when school ends.

I would welcome any advice or any tips you have learn or discovered.

As for me, I’m counting the minutes until that school bell rings.

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Bad mom ? No

Honest mom? Yes.

Yes it’s back to school tomorrow

Ok I confess I’m so looking forward to tomorrow.

Yes the children are going back to school.

As much as I love having my children around I’m happy to get back into some form of organised chaos.

Bedtimes can go back to normal.

House can stay tidy for at least a few hours.

Television can stay off.

My mind can be my own for a little while.

I love the quality time the holidays bring me with my children but I am in desperate need of some ME time. Just some space to write, read or maybe just to do nothing.

Dealing with a child with special needs is rewarding but exhausting and to be totally honest I’m shattered.

Dealing with two teenage girls can be brain numbing there is only so many times one can say “stop arguing”.

So yes I’m looking forward to the return to school. The alarm clock, the school journey it all, especially the peace and quiet of those precious hours between 9am and 3pm.

Now if only I could get rid of the hubby for a few hours too.

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I should be happy

I should be happy the children are back at school. I should be enjoying my new freedom. I have time to do my chores, my living room stays tidy for more than 10 minutes. I can make a phone call without stopping numerous times to ask for quiet.

So what’s the matter with me? Why aren’t I excited?

It’s simple the more time I’m left alone with my own mind the more dangerous my thoughts become.

I’m not talking depression or crazy things it’s just the quietness reminds me of what’s lost. The empty spot inside my heart that can never be filled. The child missing from the summer photos. The lost of Livvy is sometimes to hard to bear that the silence feels like weighted blocks adding to my already bending shoulders.

I thrive in the company of my children, their smiles lift the darkness moods, even their bickering keeps me busy. I love being surrounded by them, caring for them gosh even cleaning up after them.

My joy is to be found in their smiles, my happiness is found in their laughter.

It’s not a case of my girls being a substitute for Livvy no one could ever replace her also the love I have for Livvy is the same that I feel for Kennedy, Eden, Brodie. I have no favourite they are all my favourites.

My children are blessings from God, they occupy my mind and my heart and make me feel whole.

The best yet!

So today’s the day the girls go back to school. I actually think I’m more nervous than they are.

Kennedy enters year 11 the last of senior school. Eden enters year 9 a year of decisions regarding her options and Brodie my baby begins her final year of primary.

I guess you could say I’m in shock it only seems like yesterday I was dropping Kennedy off at nursery and walking home in tears. The fact that she is her final year of compulsory education has really freaked me out. Add to the fact that this time next year Brodie will be a senior I actually feel sick.

Where does the time go?

Can I stop them growing up?

As they all start their new years I do pray for better ones. Last year saw us face bullying issues and moral dilemma’s so severe that I began to consider pulling them out and homeschooling. Only their request and determination not to give in stopped me from doing so.

I am hoping that this year will be so much better for them. That they make friendships and learn to enjoy school once again.

So as I get up to start getting them all ready. I do so with a hopeful heart that this year will be the best yet for them all.

The best job ever

As I lie awake at a stupid hour due to chronic pain my mind is wandering.

Later today I’m off to finish the last of our back to school shopping. Only little bits to get, socks and a P.E bag oh and a pair of football boots for my tag rugby mad youngest.

I say my youngest yet I’m struck by how quick she has grown up. It only seems like it was yesterday i was dropping her off for her first day at nursery. Now on Tuesday she starts her last year of juniors. My eldest starts her final year of seniors. Where did the time go?

Yes the holidays have been exhausting a mixture of joy and angst but the truth is my girls are growing up way to fast and anytime together is cherished.

In less than four years my oldest will be off to university flying the nest as they say.

This scares me so much.

As often as I moan I love being a mom. The joy I get from my girls outweighs any of the stress.

Parenthood isn’t easy but it is the best job ever and I love it.