Starting well

So I’ve the started the new year the way I wanted, prioritising where my focus and energy needs to be at this given time in my life. It’s amazing how pure exhaustion and sleep deprivation can make you more focussed and determined but it is something that’s been on my mind and heart for a while.

It’s been a mixture of emotions, I have felt a lot of guilt. Saying no or I can’t doesn’t sit easy with me but there has also been an enormous feeling of relief. I am focusing on giving myself breathing space, areas of calm and a chance to grow in the direction I want to.

Why is looking after ourselves so hard? Is it a female thing? My husband has no problem with saying no in most areas, sometimes without a second thought. He does not twist himself up inside and second guess himself. He makes the decision based on his needs and time. Whilst sometimes this drives me mad I do admire his commitment to himself.

Every book or information I read tells me that self care is a must, that to be a better wife, Mama or generally better I need to rest and recharge yet I never seem to block time into my diary, or I give it up easily.

So yes whilst I’m feeling a lot of mixed emotions I know I’m taking the first steps in the right direction. I’m making plans just for me and beside Daniel’s health I am not changing them for anything else. I can already feel the change in myself. Right now I’m fighting a cold virus and whilst I feel blooming awful I don’t feel pulled apart by all the people I would have perceived in my head to have let down.

So I’ve started as I mean to go on. I now only have to reorganise the house, look closely at my finances and get some more sleep and I will be well on my way to a more relaxed 2019.

Here’s hoping.

As the year comes to an end…..

So its the end of another year.

A lot has happened in the last 365 days.

I became the parent to all teenagers

Then a few months later I became the parent of an adult. (crazy)

I also then had to wave the said adult off as she left for university

It has truly been a crazy year, at times it has felt my feet have barely touched the ground.

We are still fostering a handsome young man with special needs and he is certainly keeping us on our toes.

Livvy’s Smile is doing well, we have held some fantastic memory making days and been busy fundraising. We have also had our story featured in a weekly woman’s magazine.

Personally I have had my writing published in a book and also walked the catwalk as a plus size model.

It’s honestly been a go go year.

As I wave 2014 goodbye I do so with two emotions.

Pride and exhaustion.

Proud of all we have achieved.

Exhausted, well simply by achieving all we have achieved.

I am super excited for 2015 though.

I have so many hopes for this forthcoming year.

In September I start at university, this is something I have dreamed of for such a long time and I cannot tell you how excited I am.

I’m also modelling again at Style XL and have a couple of photo shoots already lined up.

We may be adding another foster child to our family, and the girls are still trying hard to drive me completely insane.

So yes 2015 I am looking forward to you.

But while I am not making any new year resolutions I am making myself some promises.

Firstly I’m going to learn how to take time for myself.

Allowing myself space to breath, stop feeling guilty about wanting time out.

Also working on my health and fitness, continue with my swimming and working on my diet, as in healthy food not weight loss (not that I wouldn’t mind shifting a pound or twenty). I’m also going to try and stop stressing about things i cannot change and stop letting others have power over me. Anxiety has had me for the last 38 years, no more.

Secondly I’m going to work harder on my marriage.

It’s so easy after 19 years of being with the same man to take him for granted. To take each other for granted. I want to work on cherishing each other, spending quality time together and having fun. Reminding my husband that I still love every inch of him and that i find him sexier now than ever.

Thirdly Im going to work on believing in myself more.

For too long I have let myself down, rejected compliments or turned away opportunities because I didn’t believe I could do them.

This next year is going to be different.

I am a bright, intelligent woman and I am going to embrace all that I am. Negativity and self disbelief can stay in 2014 where it belongs.

This woman is going places.

Fourthly I’m going to have fun and make more memories.

This year I want to be more spontaneous and just enjoy the moment.

Let go and just take each day as it comes.

Play more with the kids and generally try not to stress as much as I do.

 

So there you go, my 2015 promises to myself.

Still before this year comes to an end i want to thank all my readers for the support that they have given me.

Blogging has afforded me many opportunities but the greatest of all these has been the people I have connected with in real life and here in the virtual world.

Your comments, emails, tweets have all lifted me when I was low.

Inspired me when I was lost and loved me when I was lonely.

I started blogging in 2008 for different reasons than I write now, but as always in 2015 this blog will be my heart.

What you read is simply who I am.

Heart on my sleeve

Words on the page.

So with that I would like to say…….

BLOG NEW YEAR

It’s 2012

Happy New Year

As we start 2012 I have decided I’m not making any new year resolutions.

New year is a weird time for me it’s hard as I have to accept that I enter another year that Livvy will never be part of. Accepting this isn’t easy and I find myself struggling.

So new year is just another day with a different date.

I do have hopes and dreams that I take into the new year with me and I pray that 2012 is the year they happen.

So for now I simply wish that 2012 is a year for you all filled with love and laughter.

May your hearts be enriched with happiness and may all your dreams come true.

God bless you all xxxx

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