My word for 2019

On December 31, 2018December 31, 2018 By rebelwithkindnessIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

So here we are on the eve of a new year and the ending of a old. I cannot say that 2018 was the hardest year of my life as nothing compares to 2008, but my goodness it has sucked at times. 2018 has been a year of growth, I’ve learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined. For years I have been professing self confidence or self awareness but this last year I have owned my words. I am very much a work in progress and I have a lot let to achieve and change. Still I am so ready and have already began, who needs a date on the calendar to start, everyday is new beginning a new opportunity to live the life you want.

2018 has brought me so much, I have friendships I cherish, new opportunities and exciting moments that have become incredible memories. We didn’t get to experience many adventures but that restriction in itself has allowed me to grow and finally learn my self worth.

That leads me nicely to my word choice of 2019, WORTH.

2019 is the year I want to continue working on my worth. Learning to see the value in who I am. Appreciate all that I can do. For a long time I have mixed up self worth with ego. That to pat oneself on the back is egotistical and wrong. I’ve searched for the value of myself in others opinion’s not knowing my own truth. 2018 has taught me some hard lessons, that sometimes no matter how much you try or do for others it doesn’t always make them respect or love you more. That I am also not responsible for everything in this world, that others have responsibility too and that sometimes things will just not work out or be as you wish it to be.

I’m learning that it’s ok not to actually like others, that it’s not evil to just think that you don’t want that person in your life.

Realising that the things you do should be in joy not just obligation. If you find yourself dreading a meeting, a group that you don’t actually need to be part of you can leave. It’s not letting people down by admitting that this isn’t your place. I mean what use are you if your heart and mind are not invested?

I have realised this last year that I don’t need to belong anywhere, sometimes I want to and that’s fine but I don’t need to. I can go places and enjoy the moment without wishing I had been invited into a group or a conversation. I am finally happy in my own skin.

Non of this is saying that I don’t want people in my life in fact just the opposite, I want to find true value in friendship, build stronger bonds and definitely make more memories.

I’m excited for 2019, I’m nervous of the changes it will bring especially as we continue to foster and extend our family. I’m excited to watch Daniel grow and start staying at school longer. I’m praying his health is stable and he gets the opportunity to live fully. I’m terrified that my baby girl is going to become an adult this year, it was hard watching her sisters come of age but she has and always will be my baby so it’s hitting harder with her. My girls have all changed so much over this last year. I’m hoping 2019 is a year of goal reaching and dream making for them. Also for the two loves that have their hearts you two are both family and I pray 2019 brings you both your dreams ( beyond my beautiful daughters of course).

For my long suffering husband ( his words ) Alan. I want you to share my word with me, you are one incredible man and I only wish you would know this more. I wish adventure for you and excitement full of joy and memories. Remember to laugh a little more and just enjoy the moment just because.

As for me I want to continue my journey of loving and laughing. I would like to be a little more organised and a lot let anxious but I’m ready to celebrate who I am right now and who I will become. I’m excited for 2019 a year of making more memories. Of only saying yes if I really want to and allowing myself the freedom to grow and learn.

May it be a good year, may we make it a good one because let’s be honest the date on a calendar does not define our destiny, we do.

How is it October already ?

On October 25, 2016 By rebelwithkindnessIn Uncategorised, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I have been reflecting about this last year and cannot actually get my head around what an incredible year 2016 has been so far. Of course the highlight has to be the decision to adopt my little one he has brought such a light into my life I cannot find the words to convey what a gift he has been. My friend described me as “radiating joy” the other day and I think she may be right I am so happy and so content at having another in my heart. Being back at toddler stage is very different now than it was ten years ago but I am loving every minute of it. I mean just the wide range of clothes out there now is enough to send your head into a spin.

Yet besides this major change in my life I have seriously took this year by the horns and literally made the most of every second. I know this because right now my body may ache with exhaustion (whoops).

I have stepped out my comfort zone in so many ways. Learning and participating in politics, attending and speaking at the Labour conference and getting involved in the local campaigns has been brain aching but also so fulfilling. I am actually scaring myself with how much I really enjoy this arena and the people I have gotten to meet and I am excited to learn and develop more.

I have also completed my degree and actually graduate this week, how exciting is this a childhood dream finally coming true.

Still I think my real steps forward have been in friendship. Over the last few months I have said yes to invitations. Said yes to group meals, coffee mornings and lunch dates. A dear friend of mine told me that “I was scared of friendship” and she was so right I wrote here often about my desire for deeper truer friendships but the truth was I was hiding. Pulling away from any situation that required me to be open and vulnerable but her call out challenged me to say yes to being vulnerable and exposed and I’m loving every minute of it. I’m still a work in progress but honestly I am so grateful for those that haven’t given up on me.

2016 has been an emotional rollercoaster I have laughed and I have cried and it’s only October but to describe 2016 I would simply have to say “it’s the year I began to live fully’. No more holding back, I’m loving life right now and yes it isn’t easy at times but isn’t that what makes it more worthwhile. The achievements, the moments.

I cannot believe Christmas is only a few months away, this year does seem to have flown by. Yet I am happy to hold on to 2016 a little longer it’s been a very special year.

Reflective practice

On October 4, 2015 By rebelwithkindnessIn Uncategorised, UncategorizedLeave a comment

At university we are studying the art of reflective practice and I am absolutely loving it.

“Reflective practice is a dialogue of thinking and doing through which I become more skilful.” Donald Schön

I think it’s should be taught everywhere in schools and especially to those getting married.

I mean how incredible would it be if our partners ( or ourselves) sat down after an argument and reality reflected.

What happened?

Why did it happen?

How did you react?

How did you feel?

What would you do if it happened again?

What if my darling (annoying) husband sat back after one our numerous arguments about him not remembering things and thought, this argument happened because I couldn’t be bothered to write a date in my diary. The wife was annoyed, I got defensive and shouted, I then felt like crap. So if I remembered to remember it may not happen again.

What if my girls who have now just screamed and shouted about how I’m ruining their lives reflected on this. I was asked to bring my bacterial growth experiments otherwise known as my bowls and cups from my bedroom down to the dishwasher. I was asked numerous times, the last time my mom warned me I would lose my mobile for an hour. I couldn’t be bothered to bring them down and now I have lost my phone. I feel angry and annoyed but on reflection next time mom asks I may just do it.

See how awesome reflective practice is.

To be truthful this is only scratching the surface, I am so looking forward to learning more about the practice as I think it’s an invaluable tool to be used. But I honestly think it’s something we could all really use in life.

Like right now as I’m sitting here feeling sick from the chocolate I have just eaten maybe if I had reflected on this a few weeks ago I may not again be sitting here feeling yucky, but then again it is chocolate so maybe not.