Would someone please dress me? 

This weekend was the curve fashion festival in Manchester, it looked as if it was going to be amazing and from the reports and photos it certainly was a fantastic weekend. 

As for me I didn’t go, I allowed my anxiety to win the battle.

I made excuses about starting university, exhaustion levels, financial issues.

But the truth is I find the fashion world daunting.

I think I have come to the conclusion that I have no personal style. The last few months I have fallen in love with so many pieces of clothing only to try them on an realise that they just don’t suit me at all. 

The idea of being in a venue stacked full of beautiful women who are completely put together just overwhelmed me.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to learn more about the fashion that suits me or actually earn enough money to have a personal stylist. 

I’m not sure if it is a confidence issue or an actual mental block when it comes to style but I am really struggling. 

I think I need to be on one of those television programmes where they dress you to suit your personality and shape.

Yet I am so frustrated at myself. I cannot believe I allowed fear win the battle again.

Seriously Sara you suck.

It feels like a massive step backwards for me.

I actually hate that I feel this way.

So if anyone of you fashion peeps out there fancy letting me know what I should be wearing please feel free to email me. 

Honestly and truthfully I need serious help. 

My weekly plus size fashion wishlist

The new autumn fashion are hiting the stores and I am so excited.

I am also rather shocked at what styles have been catching my eye.

Is my style changing?

Who knows anyway here is my fashion wishlist.

My first want (need) is this beautiful dress from Voodoo Vixen.

The Joni is simply beautiful.

 

CN_L8mPXAAAIQj7

 

 

My second choice is a coat, now coats and I don’t have a great relantionship. My long arms seem to leave many coats ill fitting, but this one from ASOS really caught my eye. The style is a vintage style with a modern twist, I love it.

 

image1xxl

 

 

My third choice comes from the new Martine McCutcheon from Fashion World, to be fair I could have chosen anything from this range as I absolutely love it all but this dress is just pure perfection.

j04tj207505w

 

 

My last but not least choice for this week are these adorable boots from Evans, they are so very cute, I think they would be perfect with my new found love of dresses.

20T06TBLK_large

 

 

 

Seriously the autumn fashion that is hititng her ours stores is something to be excited about.

I think I need to hide my bank card.

 

Naked; you been warned

After walking round another shop that doesn’t stock any clothes in my size I actually want to scream. From the sideward smirk from one of the assistants to the pity half smile from the other, enough is enough.

It’s time the high street realises that the fashion conscience come in all shapes and sizes. That my plus size body wants to look good and I also want to try my clothes on in a store.

I want to have fun days out with my girlfriends, giggling as we try on dresses for the works party. Not to have to wait in for delivery, I want to browse the stores just looking for that must have top, that I need pair of jeans. 

Fashion for the size 16+ is improving with more designers hitting the market but the high street is not keeping up. With shops like New Look moving their inspire range online and out of their stores it’s not really making a dramatic impact for us voluptuous ladies. It certainly isn’t making clothes shopping universal for all.

Regardless of the naive believe that plus size clothes encourage obesity my plus size body still needs to be clothed. 

I have no issues walking the high street naked but I’m sure there are actually laws against it.

It’s about time high street retailers release that fashion conscious plus size women want to shop. We want to feel the materials, enter the dressing rooms with numerous clothes we may not buy. We want the same opportunities afforded to others. 

Why shouldn’t we our money holds the same value.

Times need to change and they need to do so quickly. Or maybe one day soon in your local high street you may find yourself faced with a group of naked plus size women.

Weekend wish list

I haven’t done a wish list in a while but with the new autumn fashion hitting the stores I am simply spoiled for choice. 

Here are a few of my favourites.

First off is this Longer Length Utility Shirt from Simply Be. This is bang on trend with the military style which everywhere this season. I just think it’s classy and I so love this gorgeous slate blue. 

  

Secondly I love these ripped jeans from Evans.  I am a great believer that you can never have enough pairs of ripped jeans and I would love to add these to my wardrobe. 
  
Third on my list is a dress a little out of my comfort zone but after checking out the Lindy Bop range on the suggestion of a friend I just fell in love with the Colleen isn’t she beautiful?

  
Finally I have been on the search for a pair of cute comfortable shoes. I think I have found them in the Michelle by Hotter shoes. I suffer with a lot of pain from my joints but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to wear cute shoes. These seem the best of both worlds as they come in a wide fit, woo hoo. They are seriously cute. 

  

Well that’s my weekend wish list… Anything catch your eye??

Style XL 2015, we came, we saw and we rocked it.

Last weekend was Style XL 2015 a plus size fashion event held in my local city of Birmingham.

Style XL is the brainchild of the wonderful Leah from http://www.leahxl.com.

cb22b4_db650136a49d4f24bb966355def6be82.jpg_srz_p_199_186_75_22_0.50_1.20_0.00_jpg_srz

Leah is genuinely one of the nicest woman I know and someone who I owe a lot of my new found confidence too. It was only last year that I walked my first catwalk at Style XL 2014. This was thanks to the encouragement and support from Leah, this lady rocks.  Also a big shout out to her beautiful fiancée Clare who is truly lovely.

Seriously though I remember how much I shook with fear back there in 2014 I’m surprised I made it onto the stage.

Anyway back to Style XL 2015 how do I describe this weekend, two words “totally inspiring”.

The collaboration of plus size fashion brands and confidence building workshops created an awesome event.

Women from around the UK coming together to attend a fashion event where the size on your label is irrelevant.

Fashion brands showcasing the very best of plus size fashion proving that style comes in all sizes.

I had a blast.

I was excited to be booked to walk for the awesome Apples and Pears Clothing , Monroe Knows and Curvy Kate but on the day I actually also walked for Topsy Curvy and Lady Voluptuous too.

Five brands ooh get me.

This year was so different for me, although I was still rather shaky the woman who walked onto that catwalk was very different to the one from last year. I actually relished in the attention. I rocked my curves ha ha get me.

Stylexl15

Seriously Style XL was a great success.

Personally though for me Style XL wasn’t about the clothes (sorry brands). It was being surrounded by beautiful inspiring women.

Women that over the last year have become dear friends.

Woman working hard to empower others.

Building people up, encouraging, supporting.

My challenge  to myself this year was to turn the virtual hugs into real ones.

I am so confident behind my keyboard but this year I wanted to find that confidence in real life.

I think achieved this.

I got to catch up with old friends and make some awesome new ones.

I pushed all my boundaries, I introduced myself to people and I wore underwear on a catwalk ( don’t panic dad I’ve hidden the photos).

I achieved more than I could possibly have imagined and yes I may be having a little body wobble but I can see how far I have come.

Thank you Leah for having faith in me.

Thank you to the brands for allowing me to showcase your beautiful clothes.

I  want to end this post saying this, life is to short to wait to wear the clothes you want. Wear them now and celebrate who you are. Size is a number on a label don’t let it dictate how you live your life.

You are beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you different xxx

A body wobble 

This weekend I modelled at an amazing plus size fashion event Style XL. Whilst I had an amazing time I have come to realise that I’m not as far down the body confidence road that I wished I was.

For those that don’t know my journey I will briefly recap. 

I cannot say I’ve ever been a confident woman even back in the days when I was a size 8 dancer I would hide under layers of shapeless clothes. So when my illness left me carrying extra weight the clothes just got bigger and I just hid away more.

I would hide from the camera constantly. Always wanting to be the photographer never the photographed. 

Then Olivia died, and I found myself searching through all my photo albums for photos of myself and my beautiful girl. In the whole of her short nine years I had only taken three photos of us together, 3.

This realisation alone should have shocked me into taking more photos with my girls but it didn’t. In fact I couldn’t, you see I didn’t recognise myself anymore. The loss of Olivia left me struggling with who I was.

 I was lost in the grief.

Then about 4 years ago I came across the plus size community. Beautiful woman celebrating who they are. Loving their bodies as they were, not how society deems they should be. It was this amazing community and these inspiring woman who slowly started to allow me to piece my confidence together. 

I started taking family photos, making sure I was part of the memories.

Started taking little steps forward, dropping the layers after layers of shapeless clothes.

Skinny jeans, camisoles and even the occasional dress.

This journey wasn’t easy, I can promise you I deleted more photos than I shared. Yet slowly I began to like the woman I saw in the mirror. 

I began to recognise that she wasn’t all bad.

This time last year I walked on my first catwalk at Style XL and yes whilst I did shake on every step and barely spoke more than a few words it was a major personal achievement.

This year I was asked back again and this weekend I walked for 5 brands, how amazing is this. 

Yet like any journey in life sometimes we do lose our way a little and for me today I got lost. 

Somewhere I took a road back into the darkness. 

In fact I have completed fallen apart. 

Looking at the photos of the weekend event I couldn’t see how far I have come, just the woman I have self loathed for a long time.

Now I’m exhausted and I know that tiredness is one evil enemy , I mean how can one love themselves when they can barely lift their head off a pillow.

I’m in pain too and this always opens the door for the past self hate to walk right in.

So yes I’m struggling.

But as I shared this within the Plus size community I have been lifted.

Woman reminding me of all I have achieved this weekend.

Brands thanking me for wearing their clothes.

So in my darkness the light has began to shine a little again.

I’m starting to realise beyond the modelling I achieved a great deal this weekend. I may have not reached the place of body confidence I so desire but I have found myself a lot more.

I spent a wonderful weekend with woman I actually spoke to. I introduced myself more and gave out the hugs I’ve wanted to to give out for such a long time. For me this is massive and it’s something I need to see for the achievement it is.

Whilst it may take me longer to feel happy with my body I am finally happy with who I am inside.

This weekend I have laughed until I’ve cried.

I’ve chatted, met new people and caught up with the old.

But mostly I’ve been inspired.

Inspired to continue back down the road of body confidence. To accept that sometimes even the greatest journeys have setbacks but moving forward is the only thing I can do. I cannot go back to the lost woman I was, in fact I’m quite sure the amazing woman I get to call my friends wouldn’t allow me.

So now I’m just going to spent the next few days resting and hopefully as the tiredness and the pain eases I will finally be able to see all that I achieved this weekend. 

But before I do head back under the duvet I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you to the amazing brands that allowed me to wear their clothes this weekend and thank you to the beautiful woman of the plus size community, I don’t think you realise how much you all mean to me.

Money does not define people’s worth.

Honestly what is with this world and labels.

I’ve have just read someone spouting off about the amount of “so called” writers popping up. The intention of the article was that you can’t call yourself a writer unless you have been published.

Why the hell not? 

If I write a piece of poetry am I not a poet unless that piece is published?

If I dance a dance am I not a dancer?

Why does payment become part of a description.

Some of the greatest composers never made a penny off their compositions.

This is not the first time I have read this kind of opinion.

I’ve heard it from the modelling world as a model should again not call herself a model unless paid to do so.

Now I’m not trying to take away from the professionals but In life but do we need to be thinking this way?

Should I be describing myself as a published writer, a published poet.

Ermm NO

I was a writer when I was 7 years old when I handed my grandad book after book of my stories. When I made him sit through so many of my poems, when I danced around the house to songs I had written, I was a writer.

Seeing my name in print did not define me.

The act of allowing words out of my mind onto paper or through my keyboard did.

I am also a model, I wear clothes to show another.

I may not be earning the supermodel wages but heck that doesn’t take away from my description.

A lot of my friends are carers but I can promise you that they don’t see a penny from it. Does that devalue the hours of loving, supporting and bum changing they do.

When my daughter draw her first picture she was an artist. The fact that this picture was not going to hang in any gallery mattered nothing to me. To me that picture was priceless.

Please let’s not use money to define people’s worth. 

Let the world be full of singers, poets, composers, writers, dancers and so many more.

The definition of another should not define you.

If it does then I’m sorry because that says more about you than them.

Your definition should be whoever you want it to be.

You are the author of your own story.

The artist of your own design.