perspectives – Rebel with kindness

If you follow my instagram account you may have watched my stories last night where I try and explain my sadness at a comment that was made a few weeks ago on one of my photos. I tried to explain why this comment had upset me ( not sure thats the right sentiment) but feel like I want to explore my feelings a little further, so here we go.

I had as I said posted a photo of Daniel dressed up in a vet costume a friend had brought for him, the photo as you can see here is of a little boy just loving role play and having fun. The comment posted asked me ‘paraphrased’ “Am I setting Daniel up and giving him unrealistic aspirations as he is never going to be a vet”?

Well, how, where do I start to reply to this? I think the answer to this question has many layers, my first could simply be “Oh please do one, its mine and my sons life”. But lets be honest thats not me, it also shuts down any conversation that I feel needs to happen regarding this question.

Secondly my response could be and the one I did actually answer with “ would you make this comment if Daniel was neurotypical, would you feel drawn to tell any other 6 year old that they cannot be what they wish when they are older? “ Maybe I am wrong and the person is a joy robber ( side note here, this is my pet name for my husband, marriage counselling maybe?) Maybe the question asker would ask this of all children, but if I am honest I don’t think so. I believe the question was asked due to Daniel’s disabilities and what people see as his limitations.

I will never limit Daniel by a list of his disabilities, our family motto is ‘never say never’ and so far Daniel has exceeded expectations across the board. If one day he does get his bum through veterinary school, then and only then will I let him treat my pets ha ha but until then I will encourage and support in all he wishes to do. I refuse to limit my child and I believe that every child has the right to dream. If they didn’t we wouldn’t see scientists make discoveries, artists paint masterpieces and paralympians win Gold.

These were all children who were allowed to dream.

When I read the comment on my post, I viewed as you do the grid of the account holder and there on one of the photo’s a child was in a spider-man costume, maybe I am being a little bit of a cow but am I the only one seeing the hypocrisy in that? I mean who am I to limit a child’s dream, but will that child really be Spider-man one day?

So for those of you who were worried that this comment had offended me please don’t be, it didn’t one of the few things you will never knock me down for is my belief in my children. Each and every one of them I have told to aim high and to not settle. I don’t mean achieve the best pay checks ( not a bad thing though) or have a house full of fancy things but to find their passion and to live it. I will always be the biggest advocate and the loudest cheerleader for my children, too loud my girls might say.

The reason I shared the comment as I usually try not to feed the trolls was because I wanted to open a conversation on the perspectives of people and what they see when they see children with disabilities. I want people to think before they ask a question. Would this question be one I would voice if it was regarding a neurotypical child? Is it really a question with relevance ( I mean I wasn’t challenging her child’s desire to be spider-man)?

Yet most of all why oh why do you feel the need to stop a child dreaming, imagination is a gift that should be nurtured and encouraged. We should encourage the dreams our children dare to dream. Celebrate when they push the boundaries from what has been, into the domain of what could be. I don’t want to live in a world where all children aspire to be the same, I want individuals, adventurers, artists, musicians. I know I want my girls and Daniel to go for they hearts desire, they may not get it but at least they have tried.

The crazy thing about all this is that Daniel has no desire (right now) to really be a vet, he is isn’t searching university courses, or reading his biology books. He is just a gorgeous young man who finds it hilarious when Vets takes testicles off and has a strange desire to put his hands up a cows bum.

So to all the 6 year old astronauts, pirates, super heroes and dragon tamers keep dreaming, let your imagination run free. Create new worlds of adventure and excitement. You are the future generation and I am excited to see the amazing lives you will lead. As for Daniel right now he is dreaming that his arm will grow a little longer as he just couldn’t reach that pesky calf, next time, next time.

Have you ever looked in a mirror but not liked what you see? Have you ever allowed someone to tell you that you aren’t good enough? Have to ever told this to yourself?

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t actually physically see what is in front of me. I see the person my mind is allowing me to see.

Yet over the years I’ve realised that sometimes my mind is far from right, that I let circumstances and emotions cloud my vision.

If I’m tired, sad or I’m hurting my vision changes.

If I’ve feeling happy or full of energy the person looking back at me can look so different.

Perspectives have a lot to play in life, they can enhance some wonderful moments. Take for example ask a husband who has just watched his wife give birth, will he remember the sweat, the screaming or how truly awful his wife looked in labour NO he will remember this beautiful woman who just made him a Dad.

Yet perspectives can also make the ugly seem horrific and the hard seem impossible.

Now I’m not going to try and tell you I have the answers, I wish I did but I am going to share that finally after many many years I am finally learning that some times I have to change my perspective.

Change how I view things.

Like right now I am sooooo tired a teething baby has left me exhausted. Night after night of being awake when others sleep. Yes I’m tired but by changing my view I can see how wonderful it is that in his pain my little one wants me to cuddle. That he feels safe enough to fall asleep in my arms. My tiredness seems to ease as I remind myself to cherish all these bonding moments.

So to those out there struggling I’m not going to try and convince you that a change in perspective is going to make everything ok it’s not. It would also be incredibly naive of me to say so. But I will say this, hold on to the fact that you choose how to look upon life. Even in the hardest of moments wonder can be found.

Believe me when I lost Olivia I never imagined I could change this perspective. The pain was so incredible how could losing a child ever be viewed positively. Well it cannot but I can see how the loss of my beautiful girl challenged me to love on others. To reach out and offer my heart and home to children in need. It didn’t stop the pain but it did challenge my view that I would never laugh again, never love again.

So to those out there right now struggling, may it be with illness, marriage problems, heartache or loss. Hold on, hold on to the fact that right now in the midst of the pain your vision may not allow you to see the full picture. Just remember the paint isn’t dry yet, you have the tools to change the image. Never let circumstances dictate who you see in the mirror.

You are the artist of your own masterpiece.