No, I’m not OK… 

I’m tired of the word O.K.

We hand it about so often that it’s become a nothing word.

It has no meaning.

No substance.

Often we use it because we think we should. 

It’s up there with the sentence “I’m fine”.

It’s polite, it’s expected, it’s crap.

You know what , it’s actually ok not to be ok.

To feel upset, angry, hurt. 

You don’t have to be ok. 

“You look tired is everything alright “?

“I’m ok” No you are not you have been up all night with children and are surviving on caffeine, you are tired and exhausted. You are not ok.

I heard you have lost your job, you ok?

“I’m ok” no you are not you are worried about paying bills finding money for the kids new school uniform. You are feeling rejected and confused. 

“I heard what that woman said to you, are you ok?”

“I’m ok” No You are raging she embarrassed you for no reason other than pure rudeness. You are angry and hurt.

Why do we say I’m ok when it’s obvious we aren’t and why do others take it knowing that we are not? 

Is it politeness?

Is it a fear about getting involved?

Or a general don’t really care ? 

Maybe all of the above, I don’t know but I want to banish I’m ok. 

I’m challenging people today to be open and say “you know what today is hard I’m struggling”. Or even “I’m feeling fantastic today is a good day”.

I also want you to challenge others “I’m ok” when it’s obvious they are not. “Can I help” or simply “I’m here for you”. Could seriously make someone feel less alone. 

Because “I’m ok” can destroy you, it can leave you feeling so isolated . It can make you question yourself and drive yourself crazy ” why aren’t I ok” ? “What did I do wrong? Why do I feel this way?

When the truth is our emotions are part of who we are. We feel, we laugh we cry. We know joy and we know sadness. 

Our emotions are our humanity. 

By pretending we are ok we don’t allow ourselves to validate our hearts. 

Let’s leave the polite bullshit behind and be open and honest. 

Let’s share how we really are feeling today. 

Let’s be be vulnerable. 

Let’s be transparent,

Let’s be true.

No, I’m not ok… 

Because thats who I am.

I was lying in bed last night and thinking about my blog when suddenly I was filled with fear. I realized that I was sharing my heart open and honest to anyone who wishes to read it.

Its like walking up a stranger in a shop and telling them my deepest darkest feelings

I wondered if I actually had got it before, really understood what I am doing when I allow my fingers to roam the keyboard and click the button saying publish.

Its a strange feeling knowing that someone you have never met knows your heart.

For a couple of minutes I actually thought twice.

Maybe its time to stop blogging.

Maybe I should start filtering my feelings, censoring my words.

Then after a while I began to wonder why?

Why do I need to hide who I truly am?

So what if strangers have read my words, in fact i am actually glad they have. Maybe one person has heard my heart and knows that they are not alone.

Sometimes the gift of company is all you need to face the day.

Knowing that tomorrow will come and somehow you will survive.

Understanding that everyone everywhere has a journey they need to take.

That we all get lost and lose our way.

Accepting that life is lousy at times.

We hurt, we ache and sometimes we break.

This blog is my heart and yes at times I may over share but who cares?

I have finally learned something,

Really understood something I should have always known.

Being me is ok, 

The ups and downs they make me who I am

And who I am is pretty awesome over sharing and all.

So there will be no filtering no censorship just pure raw Sara.

It may get messy.

But it will always be true.

Because thats who I am.

IMG_0255