I sit in my living room and it’s so silent, no dogs either snoring or trumping. No cat making weird sounds behind my head and no husband watching endless episodes of wheeler dealers. Silence this is my new normal.
So much has happened since I have last wrote here, my marriage has ended and I am finding myself both heartbroken and relieved at the same time. I will always love my husband but after so much brokenness and so much pain we cannot connect as we used to. It’s devastating but it’s true and I just have to move forward, moving with a heart so full of love for the last almost 27 years. I may have lost a lover, I hope I don’t lose a friend.
My life feels so strange right now, I’m still in so much pain from the loss I have faced, my heart still aches from the missing. Yet light is slowly creeping in and my weary mind is starting to feel awake once more. Navigating this new life is going to feel lonely at times but I would rather be lonely than alone in a relationship.
I’m not going to say that life is easy it isn’t, but I’m starting to feel the grit in my stomach start to rise. I can feel determination start to strengthen my spine and hope, oh wonderful hope, oh how I have missed you is now warming my soul.
My house may feel empty with echoes of memories of the past, but it’s nearly ready. Ready to welcome in new life, new love and a hell of a lot of laughter.
They say it is better to have loved and lost than to never love at all and I completely agree but I also believe love is not lost. It’s tender memories stay with you for your lifetime and your hopes and dreams aren’t gone they just have to find a new road to travel.
So here’s to new roads and a to many more memories to be made.
One foot in front of the other.
Here I go.