Guess what I’m giving up this month.

After the yumminess of Pancake day people are chatting about what they are giving up for Lent. 

Some are giving up alcohol some chocolate and some even social media 😳. 

I was thinking about what to give up but just couldn’t pin something down. Giving up sleep seems to be happening but I’m not ready to give that up completely.

So after thinking about this I’ve decided that what I’m giving up for lent is “expectation. ”

I am going to stop having crazy expectations on myself.

Caring for children with severe special needs is exhausting and the adjustment from one to two has been a big shock. I have found myself falling behind with things like the ironing, the cleaning and university work. 

It’s been hard, especially when running on about two hours sleep.

But that’s ok isn’t it, no one expects a new mom to have a perfect house or manicured nails. 

Well no one but me that’s for sure.

You see I set myself stupidly high expectations and berate myself when I cannot reach them. Whilst I am the most understanding supportive friend to others to myself I am the judgemental bitch that needs shutting up.

So for lent this year I am giving up self expectations. 

I am going to stop expecting to keep my house spotless at all times. I am going to enjoy having a new ironing woman who already has become my saviour and throw away the guilt of not pressing the clothes myself. I’m not going to care that cakes are shop bought and not home made.

I’m not going to expect myself to remember everything. I will try hard to remember birthdays, anniversaries but I won’t beat myself up it I forget one now and again.

I will not expect to be writing full time or dedicating hours and hours to this blog or my social media sites. 

I just can’t do it all and that’s ok. 

So here’s a goodbye to expectations for the next 40 days and hopefully a lot longer. 

Here’s to enjoying my new little one without the evil nagging voice in my head telling me I’m failing. 

Here’s to knowing that life isn’t about housework or deadlines.

 It’s about smiles and cuddles.  

There is good 

Have you ever wanted to hide away from the way you feel.

As if your mind cannot actually face what is happening around you. 

I know I have felt this way numerous times. 

When I lost Livvy for sure. I remember the doctor talking to me but I don’t remember the words. I just couldn’t handle what they were saying. 

Sometimes I feel this way about the world, with the news full of war, disease and politics. 

When I hear of heinous things humans are doing to each other.

Hearts broken

Lives taken 

Souls destroyed.

I really don’t get it.

How some can ignore the pain of others?

How can the lives of some hold less value that others.

Its blamed on religion, ethnicity and so much more but to me it’s simple.

It’s wrong.

We are all the same.

We are all one.

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? 
William Shakespeare

I cannot stay focused on the evil of this world. 
My mind just cannot handle it anymore.

I need to stay focused, more forward and leave the negativity in the past.

There is good in this world and I want to celebrate it. 

I want to fill my heart and my head with the celebrations of life. 

The kind, the happy and the joyful.

  

There is hope.

What a week and its only Wednesday!

I feel as if I have been living a lifetime over these last few days.

I have witnesses some of life’s incredible beauty but also some of life’s devastating darkness.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve often leaves me vulnerable.

My openness to love at all times has also left me exposed for negativity and pain.

 

Still I see life as a gift, a privilege.

So its from this perspective I want to say this.

 

Remember that everyone of us has their own pathway to walk.

Sometimes that path will lead to cross roads,roundabouts and dead-ends.

No one will ever really understand the journey of another.

Shared experiences can and will be different.

Determined by the understanding of the personal heart and mind.

We have to embrace our differences and celebrate each other for who they are.

Live life lifting people up.

Not tearing them down.

 

1413334918-f10bfa39-e13c

 

 

As human’s we need to socialise, we need to bond and form relationships.

Its the essence of our humanity.

But sometimes its these very relationships that can lead to the destruction of the human psyche.

 

Having someone in your life is a honour.

The value of a friend is priceless.

The gift of a child.

The love of a partner.

Your heart feels alive with the joy of connection.

 

But honour comes with responsibility.

The commitment should always be about being the light in the life of another.

Be the best friend you can possibly be.

Strive to be the greatest of parents.

The most attentive of partners.

 

Yet lets take this dedication and commitment one step further.

Smile at people on your train.

Thank you barista for their service.

Hold the door for the one behind you.

Accept the point of view of another.

Forgive your enemies.

 

The world is simply falling apart.

The media is full of the horror that is happening in our world today.

War, terrorism, genocide,

Illness, diseases and death.

But we do have hope.

 

That hope is found in our essence of connection.

As I said before its not always easy wearing my heart on my sleeve.

But it gives me freedom.

Freedom to hope

Freedom to have faith.

Faith that compassion and empathy will win the battle of hearts.

That indifference and hate will lose.

 

Because if as human beings we honour and respect each other.

Our spirits our humanity will over come all.

 

1413335139-1003d165-d35d

 

Speak life

I watched this video yesterday and loved it . The message is so simple and so true.

Words can heal.

Words can wound.

Words can make a day brighter.

Words can surround one in darkness.

Words can build one up.

Words can tear one down.

Words spoken.

Words typed.

Words in any form are powerful.

Choose your words carefully

and

Choose to speak life.

 

 

 

Being kind isn’t easy.

Being a parent is hard especially when your children are struggling. My maternal instinct wants to jump in and to fix everything. Yet sometimes
you have to step back and allow themselves to find their own way. It’s allowing them to grow and learn.

But as I said it isn’t easy.

My youngest daughter is struggling right now, the maze that is friendship is leaving her feeling lost and confused.

The problem is she has a kind heart.

How wrong is that statement?

A kind heart should never be a problem but when dealing with the emotions and complications of friendship it can cause you a lot of pain.

When you want everyone to be happy.

When you want kindness to be the overwhelming emotion in a cruel world.

My girls have been through so much. They have faced so much pain in their short lives and it breaks my heart that they have suffered so much.

They have such compassionate hearts which makes me as their mom so proud.

I just hate seeing this compassionate heart causing my little one so much pain.

How do I protect her?

How do I ask her to stop caring, to not worry about others?

I can’t can I?

We are on a journey searching for balance right now?

Trying to even the scales between kindness and protection.

I cannot bare to see my little girl in pain. Yet she cannot bare to see sadness in others.

How do I teach a child who wants to fix that not everything in this world is fixable?

How do I protect her sweet heart?

20140127-091136.jpg

Kindness

Have you ever been really disappointed not in an angry way just a deflated I thought better way?

I am feeling this way, those times when I read comments on Social networks from people who seem to feel they have a right to interfere in others lives. A right to bear judgement. I just want to scream “walk a step in their shoes.

Why is it that we all seem to think its our right to comment, abuse, condemn others? Why do we find it so hard to compliment, congratulate, uplift?

Don’t get me wrong there have been times when I’ve been bitterly disappointed in myself. Where I forgot to look at both sides of a story, got caught up in gossiping.

When I was little and about to whine about my brothers and sisters my grandad used to say to me, “young lady if you aren’t going to say something nice, stay quiet”. Wise words from a wise man.

Life is so precious but we all at times forget this. Imagine what the world would be like if people were more willing to build each other up instead of being quick to tear them down.

I know I’m going to make a conscious effort to stay quiet if my words aren’t kind and also to try and be uplifting in my comments and to give praise where due.

Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up. ~Jesse Jackson

20111115-041018.jpg