Merry Christmas Livvy

The last few days I have been so low. Whoever stole Livvy’s tree stole more than they could ever have realised from me. My whole Christmas spirit went along with it.

I couldn’t get my head around the fact that someone could steal off a child’s grave.

I mean how could they?

Yet again over the last few days something else began to shine through.

Compassion.

I have been uplifted by messages from friends.

People looking about for a new tree and lights.

It’s been this compassion that slowly lifted me from the darkness I was falling into.

Yet still yesterday I was sad, the empty place where the tree should have been was still hurting to see.

So imagine my excitement this morning when a friend called me to say she had found a tree. I was jumping for joy.

After two days of searching my baby was going to have a tree for Christmas.

My heart is so happy.

Decorating and placing this tree has really lifted my spirit.

I know not all will understand my need or my sadness but this is all I can do for my daughter now. I need to honour her.

Remember her.

It is important that her special place is decorated as our home is.

So thank you dear friend.

Merry Christmas Livvy.

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Fifteen

Fifteen

What !

How in the world would you be fifteen?

Time is flying away from me at such a rate.

I want to press stop and then rewind.

I’m trying hard to imagine you as a 15 year old.

I think you would give your sisters a run for their money in the stroppy teens department.

What kind of clothes would you wear?

Would your hair be as wild?

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So many questions that will never get an answer.

I want to say it’s unfair.

Stamp my feet in a rage.

But it’s gets me nowhere.

It’s doesn’t bring you back.

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So I’m going to honour you my sweet beautiful girl.

I’m going to do as you did everyday.

Be strong

Be brave

And smile.

I going to host a party in your name.

Invite your friends old and new.

We shall laugh

We shall cry

There shall be fun

and there will be joy.

Memories made and cake eaten.

Just as you would have wanted.

In honour of your birthday

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In memory of you

My beautiful Olivia

Happy 15th Birthday Livvy xx</strong<

We Love you sweet girl

To the moon, stars and back xxxx

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A beautiful day on the water

On Sunday I had the joy of spending a day with those I love in a beautiful setting.

We spent the day on a barge travelling down the Llangollen canal.
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To be truthful I was nervous about this trip for two reasons.

One having an autistic child on a barge may not be a restful idea.

Two the last time I took this trip we were celebrating the birthday of my beautiful Livvy.

Yet I shouldn’t have worried.

Yes it was exhausting my foster son was up and down like a yo yo but he was also fascinated by the barge, the scenery and especially the friends we were lucky to spend the day with.

Yes my mind was on Livvy a lot throughout the day, I could see her on the barge blowing out her candles trying to kiss her fireman Sam cake. Hanging over the barge sides watching the water as we travelled. I could also see her driving the boat and remembered how much joy she had from that day. Priceless memories.

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Yet I didn’t need to worry about these memories as my friends blessed me with chance to share them to openly talk about her and what I was feeling. I cannot tell you what a gift that was.

It certainly made my day extra special.

The barge trip was truly beautiful. The sun shone upon us and the trees protected us in their shade.

The company was wonderful.

The food delightful

The barge was filled with laughter and joy.

Truly beautiful.

If my words don’t convince you maybe my photos will.

 

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It was a wonderful day and I am so thankful for the friends I got to share it with.
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* I did have all three daughters with me but my number two was feeling camera shy xxx

 

True Value

For a few months I have been aware of the name Colin Brewer and to be perfectly honest it has not been in a great way. At first I just believed he was just an ignorant man but after reading this article I just don’t know how to define him.

Now before I carry on I have confess this is a touchy subject for me, I have lost a child with severe special needs and I now foster a child with severe special needs so yes this subject is close to my heart. So I can’t promise this post will be written from an un bias view point, but it is written from my heart and you can’t get more honest than that.

But I cannot not write about it because this man is so very wrong.

Colin Brewer states that he believes that we should look at our children as we do animals and if there are any weaknesses at birth we should to quote the councillor.

“When reminded that the lamb would be put down in that situation, he agreed, and said: “It [the lamb] would be put down, smashed against the wall and be dealt with.”And asked if a child with a similar impairment should be killed after birth, he said: “That would be up to the decision of whoever is there at the birth.”

 

We should consider smashing our child’s head against a wall!

I could be defensive at this point and tell you want I wanted to do to Councillor Brewer but I’m not going to.

Why because in a way I actually feel sorry for the gentleman.

He obviously judges the quality of someones life on what they can achieve or what they can do.

How awful is that? To only see value in ability.

The councillor comments are mainly aimed towards the cost of caring for a child or an adult with disabilities.

Again his value is in worth.

Well let me inform you Mr Brewer that you simply know nothing!

My beautiful daughter Livvy was born with a condition called Rett Syndrome, a illness which left her severely disabled.

Yes she required 24 hour care, yes she required medication and equipment but whatever the total cost of her needs was, what she gave back was a hell of a lot more.

She was priceless.

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The world isn’t run by money, no matter how often we are led to believe this.

The world is run by compassion,

by empathy

by love.

These were all skills Livvy taught us every day.

Take for an example my other three children Livvy sisters, they are remarkable young ladies who have a desire to work in fields that encourage, that care, that protect others.

The compassion they learned by having Livvy in their lives has made them better people, a greater contribution to society.

Their understanding and empathy is something that you cannot teach in schools, yet Livvy taught them.

My husband and I, Livvy’s parents were changed beyond your wildest imagination, we began to look wider than ourselves and learned of joy in the simple things.

We learned about advocating for others that were less fortunate than us, in all spheres of need. Poverty, disability, addiction.

Why because Livvy taught us compassion.

Livvy taught us the value of life.

Watching this brave, wild spirited young lady who had so many issues live life with such pure joy showed us the truth about life.

That each day is a gift to make the most of, to be happy, to make others happy.

Mr Brewer I could tell you of many others that were changed by knowing Livvy, Grandparents, relatives, friends, teachers they all learnt life lessons from this incredible amazing young lady. Strangers whose days were brightened by a smile. Professionals who were encouraged by her determination and bravery.

This beautiful young lady who if you had your way may have not had this chance to make such a difference.

Dear Mr Brewer if I wish you anything I wish you this.

Please take a look at the children that you have dismissed as being faulty, of being worthless.

Look closely at their families and I promise you this. That even with the severest disabilities you will find joy. You will see parents caring for their children with a love that has no bounds.

You will see children who may be limited physically live life without limitations.

 

Love without limits.

 

Please Mr Brewer open your eyes and see true value.

 

It cannot be measured by money but by the lives you touch.

 

As I said Livvy was priceless.

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One of those moments

You know those moments when you pass on words of wisdom to your children only to find out later that they got it so very wrong.

Well a couple of weeks ago my youngest came home from school in tears an annoying boy had taken to looking at her waiting for her to look at him just to say “what you looking at”.

Now of course first we tried the just ignore him tactics and the don’t look his way ones too, but nothing was working and it was making her life miserable.

It was such as shame as senior school is hard enough without annoying boys. I mean she has all of her marriage to put up with that.

So my husband had enough of this boy and simply told her the next time he asked her “what you looking at” she should answer with the words and the old favourite “I don’t know they don’t label crap”.

Well anyway cue us sitting up the dinner table last night when Brodie told us that she had shut the boy up with what dad had told her to say. Of course we were pleased but then she continued with the words “he looked a little confused”.

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What could be confusing about the statement?

So we asked Brodie what she had actually said.

She explained that when the boy said his usual “what you looking at” she had replied with.

” I don’t know, i don’t look at things that aren’t labelled” and then she added “you need to get yourself labelled “

Of course once we had picked up ourselves off the floor in hysterics we kindly explained where she had gone wrong.

Anyway the boy left her alone, confused maybe or frightened whichever one it worked.

Memories in the making.

Tumbling

I’m tumbling into the midst of my pain. My heart is aching from the missing. I need to fill my heart with sweet memories but the broken vessel is leaking endlessly.

Grief is such an exhausting emotion. It pulls, it tears hard at my soul.

The false smile I fix to my face is slipping. My hiding place is found.

I need to find my place again in this world. A place that fits a grieving mother.

I want joy to fill my heart. The light to shine in the recesses of my very being.

So much left to cherish, so much left to love.

I know I cannot do this alone, my strength does not compare.

So I turn to the one who loves me. The one who restored my soul.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
(Psalms 73:26, NIV)