Messy

Oh I had this image of the mama I wanted to be.

The clean house, cake making, hug giving kind of mama.

My children were going to grow up safe, secure ready to take on the world.

I didn’t prepare for disability

I didn’t prepare for loss.

I didn’t prepare for life.

How can I expect them to be ok?

Who is actually ever ok?

Does ok really exist?

We are a world full of rising mental health issues.

Where are we going wrong?

 

Perfection

perfect

This is what the media wants us all to believe. 

You have to be perfect.

From the perfect new born mother with linen wipes and organic baby food.

To the teenager starving to fit in the new fashions,

We cannot be perfect

No one can

But that does not stop the world trying make us believe otherwise.

 

I am a messy mother.

I mess up.

I shout, I scream, I forget to wash sports kit or sign permission slips.

I lose my patience when I’m tired and crave some peace and quiet.

 

My husband is a messy father

He forgets to listen properly and is surprised when they kick off.

He laughs at boy troubles not in mirth but in ignorance.

Scared that they are growing up.

 

Then my girls 

They are the most perfect imperfect children alive and i love them for it.

From the stroppy tantrums to the banging of the doors.

From the constant arguing to the solitary against the parents.

The demanding of attention to the leave me alone moods.

They are messy

and thats perfectly ok.

 

Life is a constant lesson

Each day brings with it a new piece of knowledge and new understanding.

Yet how can you learn if you know everything?

How can you form if you are already perfect?

It’s time we ignored who others wish us to be.

Turn off the televisions and leave the magazines on the shelves.

Lets grow into who we wish to be not what is expected by others.

Let us all be beautifully imperfect 

Lets all be messy

 

 

Imperfect

Sometimes I wish I could be a stronger person. That I could look back without regrets or forward without fears.

I find myself playing situations over and over in my head wondering if I could have done something different if I could have been better, nicer, kinder, stronger.

My husband gets mad at me and tells me to move on but it isn’t easy. I don’t like hurting anyone and hate to think I was causing anyone pain.
The truth is we cannot please everyone at all times.

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So we have to focus on the ones we love. The ones that need us to be their protectors and of course those who are there for you too.

Those who are your strength when you are weak, who hold your heart in their safe hands.

Life is about making choices and not everyone will like the ones you make but the fact is its “your” choice.

We are imperfect people in an imperfect world.

Losing Livvy taught me many things one is that life is short to stay in situations that cause you pain. You have to take each day and fill it with love.

To not waste a moment.

Live the life you dream off.

So I challenge you all stop looking back and move forward with courage.

Fill your life with love and laughter.

I know I’m trying to.

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