Tag: hurt

I need to change my go to.

On By rebelwithkindnessIn Uncategorised, UncategorizedLeave a comment

What do you do when life seems crazy and you feel like it’s all to much?

Do you have ways of calming yourself down, meditation, prayer or maybe wine?

I’m not really sure I have a method.

I seem to carry on and carry on until I have to sleep with complete exhaustion.

Only yesterday I realised I do something else when life gets stressful.

I pull away.

My phone stays silent,.

I ignore the notifications and I only communicate as and when.

It’s as if I can only cope with so much that I’m scared to open up in case it becomes more.

Yet in doing this I find myself alone, lonely.

It wasn’t always like this.

Something happened last year which left me hurting terribly.

It took away my naivety

It took away my trust

And why I have tried not to let it have a hold over me I realise it has.

My closing off and pretending I’m ok Is literally locking out those who wish to be there for me.

[Tweet “Punishing many for the few.”]

I apologise to those I have shied away from.

I see now all you were trying to do is be there for me.

I am truly grateful.

I can’t promise I won’t hold back or close off anymore.

[Tweet “But I can promise I will try.”]

 

Imperfect

On By rebelwithkindnessIn Uncategorised, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Sometimes I wish I could be a stronger person. That I could look back without regrets or forward without fears.

I find myself playing situations over and over in my head wondering if I could have done something different if I could have been better, nicer, kinder, stronger.

My husband gets mad at me and tells me to move on but it isn’t easy. I don’t like hurting anyone and hate to think I was causing anyone pain.
The truth is we cannot please everyone at all times.

20130904-091406.jpg
So we have to focus on the ones we love. The ones that need us to be their protectors and of course those who are there for you too.

Those who are your strength when you are weak, who hold your heart in their safe hands.

Life is about making choices and not everyone will like the ones you make but the fact is its “your” choice.

We are imperfect people in an imperfect world.

Losing Livvy taught me many things one is that life is short to stay in situations that cause you pain. You have to take each day and fill it with love.

To not waste a moment.

Live the life you dream off.

So I challenge you all stop looking back and move forward with courage.

Fill your life with love and laughter.

I know I’m trying to.

20130904-091537.jpg

My snow week

On By rebelwithkindnessIn Uncategorised, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Wow, what a week, we’ve been snowed in, we have had autistic tantrums and teenage strops and somehow, I’m not sure how, I have managed to survive with my sanity intact.

Seriously who would have believed that fluffy white snow could bring a country to its knees?

I have to admit it’s made me cross, weather reporters have been harping on for years that our seasons were changing and we were going to see some extreme weather yet we were still unprepared. Isn’t it about time we chatted to our colder weather friends take Canada for example and got some tips on how to function in extreme snow. (Please note I use the word extreme rather loosely).

Snow is fun for the first few hours then it just becomes cold, wet and annoying. Also anything that closes the schools loses my votes.

20130127-032948.jpg

Talking of votes what a week, we have seen Celebrity Big Brother come to an end. What am I going to do each evening now, I need my Speidi fix. Though I do believe the right person won in the end, I hated Ryland in X factor but he has slowly grown on me from the big brother house. Also my youngest told me i looked like Claire from Steps but with black hair (i wish). To be honest I still cannot believe how addicted I found myself. I really think I need to get out more.

Its has been a strange week and I have found myself coming to a decision regarding how much I allow myself to be hurt by others. I have decided I need to take a step back and focus on my family and myself a little more.

I’ve also been at the doctors having an ECG done, it seems I do actually have a heart, now we have found it we simply need to get it to behave a little better. Its just wants to beat to its own drum upsetting the rest of my body. Dr is hoping its anxiety, me anxious never!

So there you go my exciting week, only been made easier by my new hobby BAKING, this week I have made a Vanilla and chocolate chip marble tray bake and a Victoria sponge and some Choc chip muffins oh and some custard too.

20130127-033044.jpg

20130127-033058.jpg

I’m really enjoying my new hobby and love watching the family enjoy something I have baked. I confess to getting exciting looking at new mixers too and watching the Great British Bake Off. I did mention I may need to go out more.

Seriously it’s been a weird week, but as it comes to end I’m am grateful for so much, my hubby and my kids especially.

I hope and pray you all have had a good week and if not tomorrow is a new beginning, well that’s what I’m telling myself. Xxx