Explore

Day three #hopewriterlife

I never thought I was one who wished to travel. I never got the itchy feet or desperate need to go exploring. But I’ve realised I hadn’t learn my passion yet. Over this last year my son Daniel has become obsessed with animals and veternairy programs and from joining him in watching them I have discovered a desire to go places and explore the wilderness. I have fallen in love with places from Yorkshire to the YukonI. want to go visit the places that we watch. We started with the beautiful Yorkshire last year and I have fallen completely in love and seriously would pack up now if I could. The beauty of the area has literally enriched my heart.

I want to go see the animals in their natural habitat or as close as possible. I want to explore.

Actually I want to explore more than I have ever have done and I mean ever before. I think sometimes you have to find you to find out where you wish to go. Over the last year along with Daniel I have got lost in the learning of Gods beautiful creatures. Watching, learning has left me with a desire I never knew I had. I mean I’ve always liked animals but never wanted to know them as I do now. The idea of just waking up surrounded by space and animals just sounds so wonderful to me. Forget the big cities they have never held excitement for me, give me mud, grass and air I can breathe in deep.

I think it’s so easy to just assume you should go where others go. The places chosen by others do not have to be your places. Understanding this has allowed me to understand me more and the places I want to explore.

Intention

Day 2 of #hopewriterlife

Intention

intention

noun [ C or U ]

UK /ɪnˈten.ʃən/ US /ɪnˈten.ʃən/

B2

something that you want and plan to do:

[ + to infinitive ] It wasn’t my intention to

Intention something you want or plan?

Do you want to know a secret?

I’m scared of intentions, even those made with the best at heart. I’m fearful for making plans. It’s something I was trying to work on then Covid came to visit and how many plans have had to change, stop.

Growing up I struggled, I lived with a lot of broken promises, shall we do this next time forgotten by others not by me. Financially issues didn’t always allow things to happen that I could understand but sometimes out of sight out of mind was the stronger inflection.

So when plans were made I didn’t get excited I didn’t trust. So intention is something I hold at a distant.

Being a mom of a child of a complex child I know the best intentions can be easily changed only last week our holiday, our plans were cut short. But somehow that’s different that’s not through disregard or lack of respect.

I seriously struggle to make plans because I know my life circumstances often lead to cancelling or changing and I hate that someone things I cannot be bothered or do not care. So I stay hesitate and often say no in fear.

To me the word intention holds a responsibility to try and so when spoken by others I’m guarded. In therapy my goal was allow myself to get excited and I was almost there then blooming Covid came along.

I do want to know the joy of waiting, the excitement of what’s coming but for now I’m still a long way off but my intention oh the irony is to try.