Another child lost.

For the last few days we as a nation have been following the news from Edinburgh intensely. Praying and hoping that little Mikaeel Kular would be found safe and well. Yet in the early hours of yesterday morning we heard the news we had dreaded. The worst had happened the body of three year old Mikaeel has been found.

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Another child lost.

Why, how, why?

My heart is aching.

Why do we have to lose another one?

The news today is full of his mothers arrest and social media is full of anger but to be honest my heart is just full of pain.

I don’t know if his mom has committed this terrible crime and its not for me to judge. That is all down to the police and the justice system. All I do know is that another life has ended too soon.

I cannot get my head around crimes like this. I would have fought to the death for another moment with Olivia yet so many take a life so easily.

I watch my friends sit at the hospital beds of their sick children praying for miracles yet the news is full of abuse and childhood thieves.

Why?

Why are so many trying to save when others are willing to slaughter?

I’m struggling right now.

I’m missing Livvy so desperately I can barely breathe.

The news of this little boys passing is bringing it all to the forefront of my mind.

Not that it ever really disappears.

Livvy is the first thing on my mind as I wake and the last thing when I fall asleep.

Losing a child is a pain like no other.

Its a journey no one wishes to travel.

Yet

Others choice to join it.

Is the pain the same?

I don’t know how it could be.

Maybe I’m being cruel I honestly don’t know but I miss Livvy with every piece of my heart.

Can you miss the one whose life you have stole?

I’m sorry, I’m angry.

I’m thinking of every one of my friends who are grieving right now and thinking of how much they would give to hold their children again.

Where is my compassion?

I don’t know peoples stories,

I don’t know their struggles.

All I know is a child has lost his life and that whatever the reasons this is wrong.

Rest in peace Mikaeel Kular.

 

 

 

Am I over it?

Are you over it?

Isn’t it about time now?

How long are you going to grieve ?

My answer to the above questions are No, No and forever.

A friend of mine was hurt by someone asking her “why she wasn’t over the death of her child”. This is a question I have been asked in one form or another for the last 4 years.

I’m not sure how to answer this question politely when in truth I want to scream “what the hell”.

What surprises me the most is that at times this comes from parents. People who have their own children.

I tend to find myself smiling and maybe changing the subject when i really want to ask them something.

I want them to look at their son or daughter and try to imagine a world where they are taken away from you.

Not a nice thought is it?

Imagine never being able to hold your child in your arms ever again.

To never hear them call you mom or dad once more.

It’s a awful thought right?

The dreams you have for them gone.

The future without them.

Everything you do from the moment they passed is now without them.

They are now only memories that you hold in your heart.

So am I over losing Livvy.

No chance!

I will never be over losing Livvy. My heart is forever missing a piece.

When you have a child part of you is in them. That part of me has died.

I have a empty space that will never be filled.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t live, of course I do. I live, love and laugh.

What it does mean is that I will never be the same again.

So people even with the best intentions in the world never ask a grieving parent if they are over losing their child.

Grief like love has no time frame.

So please don’t ask me to get over losing Livvy . You may as well ask me to stop breathing.

To all my grieving friends I love you xxx