My word for 2015

So as we start the new year I have been thinking a lot about the word I wish to lead me through the next 365 days.

The word that will represent all my hopes and prayers for 2015.

It isn’t easy finding one word which fits all your plans and ideas.

Still after thinking  hard for a while I am going to go with the word.

 

dream

2015 is going to be my year of dreams.

This is a big step out of the ordinary for me.

You see I have never really allowed myself to dream.

Broken promises, painful situations and a lot of disappointment made me believe that dreams were for others and not for me.

It was something I accepted as just life.

I could hope but I couldn’t dream.

I was never the girl who dreamed of her wedding day.

Of the children she would have or career she would achieve.

Anxiety and disbelief stole away my dreams.

I cannot get excited for an event or a holiday until I am actually there and as for promises, well maybe we shouldn’t go there.

But this year is going to be different.

I am going to allow myself to dream and I’m going to see my dreams fulfilled.

I am going to dream that I can and will achieve my goals.

I will attend university.

I will move forward with this blog.

I will further my writing career.

I will put myself forward more.

I will look in the mirror and like what i see.

I will believe in me.

2015 you are my year to dream.

Its scary but it’s time.

As the year comes to an end…..

So its the end of another year.

A lot has happened in the last 365 days.

I became the parent to all teenagers

Then a few months later I became the parent of an adult. (crazy)

I also then had to wave the said adult off as she left for university

It has truly been a crazy year, at times it has felt my feet have barely touched the ground.

We are still fostering a handsome young man with special needs and he is certainly keeping us on our toes.

Livvy’s Smile is doing well, we have held some fantastic memory making days and been busy fundraising. We have also had our story featured in a weekly woman’s magazine.

Personally I have had my writing published in a book and also walked the catwalk as a plus size model.

It’s honestly been a go go year.

As I wave 2014 goodbye I do so with two emotions.

Pride and exhaustion.

Proud of all we have achieved.

Exhausted, well simply by achieving all we have achieved.

I am super excited for 2015 though.

I have so many hopes for this forthcoming year.

In September I start at university, this is something I have dreamed of for such a long time and I cannot tell you how excited I am.

I’m also modelling again at Style XL and have a couple of photo shoots already lined up.

We may be adding another foster child to our family, and the girls are still trying hard to drive me completely insane.

So yes 2015 I am looking forward to you.

But while I am not making any new year resolutions I am making myself some promises.

Firstly I’m going to learn how to take time for myself.

Allowing myself space to breath, stop feeling guilty about wanting time out.

Also working on my health and fitness, continue with my swimming and working on my diet, as in healthy food not weight loss (not that I wouldn’t mind shifting a pound or twenty). I’m also going to try and stop stressing about things i cannot change and stop letting others have power over me. Anxiety has had me for the last 38 years, no more.

Secondly I’m going to work harder on my marriage.

It’s so easy after 19 years of being with the same man to take him for granted. To take each other for granted. I want to work on cherishing each other, spending quality time together and having fun. Reminding my husband that I still love every inch of him and that i find him sexier now than ever.

Thirdly Im going to work on believing in myself more.

For too long I have let myself down, rejected compliments or turned away opportunities because I didn’t believe I could do them.

This next year is going to be different.

I am a bright, intelligent woman and I am going to embrace all that I am. Negativity and self disbelief can stay in 2014 where it belongs.

This woman is going places.

Fourthly I’m going to have fun and make more memories.

This year I want to be more spontaneous and just enjoy the moment.

Let go and just take each day as it comes.

Play more with the kids and generally try not to stress as much as I do.

 

So there you go, my 2015 promises to myself.

Still before this year comes to an end i want to thank all my readers for the support that they have given me.

Blogging has afforded me many opportunities but the greatest of all these has been the people I have connected with in real life and here in the virtual world.

Your comments, emails, tweets have all lifted me when I was low.

Inspired me when I was lost and loved me when I was lonely.

I started blogging in 2008 for different reasons than I write now, but as always in 2015 this blog will be my heart.

What you read is simply who I am.

Heart on my sleeve

Words on the page.

So with that I would like to say…….

BLOG NEW YEAR

All together

My daughter returns from university today and yes I am so excited to see her.

So why did a friendly comment feel like I had been punched in the stomach?

My friend said “ I bet you are excited to have all the family back together’.

How simple and true is this comment.

Yes i am excited.

But my family will not all be back together.

You see there will always be a missing piece,

missing piece

 

An empty place at the table.

A pile of presents that have not been bought.

On Christmas day only three of my girls will be celebrating it here with me.

Heaven holds the celebration for the other.

I want to say that i’m ok about it all, that i can be happy and enjoy the season but I can’t.

The ache in my heart is getting stronger and stronger as we head towards the 25th.

I hate that on Christmas day I have to visit the crematorium, that the only gift I can give to my daughter is flowers on her stone.

I want the air to echo with her laughter, the harmony of my four beautiful girls to play.

Yet all i can hear is the silence of the missing note.

Christmas is a special time of year, I love the wonder of it all.

The excitement that builds in peoples hearts.

The joy of giving , the love that is shared.

Christmas is a time for celebration and I promise I will try.

Still I hope that it will be ok, that sometimes through this season i disappear.

Disappear to a place where i can allow the tears to fall.

Where I can allow the missing to show upon my face.

Because I cannot pretend all the time.

I just don’t have the strength.

I need to give my heart freedom.

Freedom to grieve my beautiful missing daughter.

The Snow Queen

 

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The snow queen is a family friendly film that makes you laugh and smile throughout the whole film.

It’s filled with cute moments and moments that make you laugh out loud.

The evil snow queen creates a eternal winter in the world.

A young girl named Gurda, her pet ferret Luta and Orm the troll must save her brother Kai and the frozen world.

The film follows the three on their quest.

Gurda, Luta and Orm are faced with obstacles on their journey but despite all the problems the three become closer working together to save the world and bring warmth back to everyone.

New friendships are formed and memories are revealed.

The snow queen is a film suitable for families.

It shows the importance of kindness and loyalty.

I would recommend it to anyone that enjoys heartwarming films that bring a smile to your face.

 

Review by E Meredith

 

THE SNOW QUEEN

At selected cinemas from October 25th

Released on Blu-ray, DVD and digital platforms on November 3rd

*We received a copy of the film for the purpose of this review but all opinions are our own.

What a weekend – Plus North

It’s hard to believe that its now over a year ago that i started my journey of self discovery.

Learning to love my body curves and all.

It was at Plus North 2013 that it  finally hit home that woman can be beautiful in all shapes and sizes.

So it was amazing to be back at this event and even more exciting to be modelling along side the ladies I had admired.

The weekend was rather fun.

I got to spend some quality time with my hubby.

Meet up with some old friends and get to make some new ones too.

I also enjoyed quite a few vodka’s as well.

The event was fashion fun, I loved checking out the coming seasons clothes from plus sizes brands.

But the highlight was walking for Topsy Curvy.

I love this fashion range they offer fashionale affordable clothing.

I also love the ladies behind the range, their one desire is for women to look good and feel good about themselves.

What more can we ask for?

 

Now I’m home, shattered and back to real life.

 

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me plusnorth

A Tiger’s Tale – Review

 

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TWICE AS CUTE. DOUBLE THE TROUBLE!

A TIGER’S TAIL

 RELEASED TO DVD AND ON DEMAND –  28th JULY 2014

 

 

When the zoo’s tiger cub Luna escapes her enclosure and crawls into Billy’s backpack a whole adventure for the little cub is beginning.

 

Billy finds her on the car ride home and he decided to hide her from his parents and get her back to the zoo as soon as possible but he’s not too sure how to do that.

 

Billy has a hard time hiding Luna from his parents and Buster their dog doesn’t make it any easier for him.

 

Billy’s friend Koby is then told about Luna and has a hard time not telling anyone.

 

Eventually the boys that tease Billy and Koby find out and in front of Doreen (the girl Billy has a huge crush on) and the other girls proposes that Luna should be shown to them the day after and if they didn’t show a beating would be the consequence.

 

Through the time that Billy gets Luna he gets into all sorts of predicaments that are funny and entertaining to watch!

 

A Tigers Tale provided a good story line that people of all ages would enjoy. It was filled with lots of humour and unexpected turns which made the film very exciting to watch.

 

The soundtrack made the film better too as it was fitted perfectly with the scenes.

 

The film is very family friendly.

 

A Tigers Tale shows kids the importance of honesty and the consequences of lying.

 

The tiger cub Luna makes the film cute and adorable which mixes perfectly with the comedy.

 

I would recommend this film to anyone and all ages as it is really a film anyone can enjoy from kids to adults. It is clean and teaches important messages making it perfect to show to children but can also be enjoyed by adults.

 

Reviewed by Eden xxx

*Review copy given for purpose of this review.

Our weekend in Liverpool

Last  saturday we had our first night of respite for this year.

We were so looking forward to the rest and relaxation and getting to spent some quality time with our youngest.

Also we got to hide away from the big two who are super stressed studying for exams.

So off to Liverpool we when.

on our way

 

It all started off so well we visited with friends in New Brighton which was lovely we had a fantastic lunch followed by a trip to the beach and ice- creams.

seeing friends

Then after not checking our Sat Nav and having the avoid all toll- roads setting on we turned a ten minute journey into over a hour, oh well we live and learn.

We finally reached Liverpool rather tired and harassed and we were so looking forward to checking into our room at the Travelodge Liverpool Central The Strand.

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Again fate was playing games with us as after struggling for over an hour to find the hotel we found ourselves completely lost. We got directed to another of the Travelodge’s who then thankfully directed us to where were supposed to be staying.

We finally got onto the hotel exhausted and ready to relax.

We were so pleased to find that the rooms were beautiful, clean and fresh looking and the bed looked so welcoming.

travelodge

We all wanted to just jump in and sleep but first we had to eat.

We decided to stay in and eat at the hotel’s restaurant as we were so tired and wasn’t really in the mood to go out.

liverpool 2

We all ordered the same starter of chicken wings which were lovely, all three of us munched our way through them in no time at all.

Alan and I ordered the chicken burger as our main meal and Brodie had the quarter pounder. Lets just say Brodie enjoyed hers. Our chicken burgers were rubbery and really not nice.

The staff were lovely and helpful and the restaurant itself was beautiful but I do think they need to look at providing a better quality meals as breakfast was lacking too and we heard many other guests complaining too.

Then thankfully it was bedtime, I was so looking forward to a good nights sleep, the bed was so comfortable and the television kept our daughter happy and quiet.

We were super impressed with the hotel rooms.

Travelodge has been updating their hotels and this was evident in our room. The surroundings were clean, calm and relaxing and just want we needed.

I slept the whole night through and work up feeling really refreshed. A whole 8 hours, did you read that 8 hours wow.

On Sunday we had decided to to take Brodie on a ferry ride we didn’t know the times of the sailings but the staff were incredibly helpful and happy to check the times for us.

We really enjoyed the trip across the Mersey, especially when the ships horn gave Brodie a big scare my goodness she jumped.

Liverpool 2014

All in all Liverpool was fun weekend, we got a chance to spent some quality time together and make some memories.

We were really impressed with the quality of the new refurnished Travelodge. It was fantastic. The rooms were beautiful and  the bathroom super clean which really impressed me. We will certainly think about staying with them again in the future.

The staff were really helpful and genuinely wanted to make sure you enjoyed your stay

The only things I would suggest is to improve the food.

Because to the Meredith family food is so important.

So after an busy but fun weekend we drove home to a poorly boy and a visit to A & E and a broken toe.

And people wonder why I needed a break ha ha.

 

* We were gifted a nights stay at the Travelodge for the purpose of this review, but all opinions are honest and my own.

 

Look what we did.

There are very few days in your life where you can look back and see all that you have accomplished.

Monday was truly one of those days for me.

With my charity Livvy’s Smile we hosted a fantastic memory making day for over 60 children with special needs and their families.

It was a truly perfect day.

I could tell you about the laughter that filled the centre.

I might mention the new friendships that were created.

But in this instance I’m going to let the photos speak for themselves.

Livvy snap 2014 (1) livvys snap 2014 (2) livvys snap 2014 (3) livvys snap2014 (4 x 2)

It was a wonderful day and although now I am physically and emotionally exhausted I am super proud of all that we have achieved.

Our charity is run in honour and memory of our beautiful daughter Olivia who lost her battle with Rett Syndrome in 2008.

Olivia was an amazing girl who had a real zest for life. Mischief and mayhem were her two favourite things.

I think she would be happy with the magical day created in her memory.

I’m also so sure she would think her sisters are amazing because I certainly do.

It’s my birthday

Today is my birthday I am 38 years old.

I cannot believe how amazing my 37th year has been.

I have finally found me.

That sounds crazy doesn’t it.

How do you lose yourself?

I don’t think i  actually ever lost myself because I don’t believe i had ever found myself before.

For so long I have tried to be who I perceived others wanted me to be.

Hiding my heart to keep others happy.

But its not honest and its certainly not a way to live.

 
I will be ok when I get my degree.

I will be better when I lose weight.

I will become nicer.

I will try to be kinder.

More open, more trusting

A better mom.

A better wife.

 

My list became endless and always out of reach.

 

No more.

 
I finally can see that.

I am kind hearted

I am a good friend.

Good mom.

Good wife.

I am beautiful.

I am so loved.

 
What a year!!!

I wish it hadn’t took 37 years to get to this place but hey ho I am here.

I am so excited to see what my 38th year will bring me.

I already have exciting things planned.

I mean I’m modelling for goodness sake.

Whatever happens I know it will be fun and filled with love, laughter and friendship.

What more can this birthday girl ask??

 

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Spreading their wings.

I’m throwing in the towel.

Where school holidays and the older two teenagers are concerned.

I seriously give up.

Nothing ever pleases them.

Nothing is right.

One doesn’t want to go out.

One doesn’t want to do childish things.

So I’m giving up trying to find things that make all happy.

The older teens can just bog off and that’s me being polite.

My younger two have the right to do things they enjoy and what the older two used to enjoy before they grew up into annoying pains.

So no more.

We are going to have fun without them.

Their choice not mine.

It’s not easy letting go but its time.

They need to spread their wings and I need to allow the younger two to be young.

I knew this time would come.

Just wish I was ready for it.

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My baby girl