Sometimes I get angry at time I dont understand how one minute can often seem like lifetime then others fly past like a gush of wind.
You know when you are so excited to go on holiday that the days before your trip seem endless. Then when you are finally away the days just shoot on by.
It seems as if time is often controlled or interperted by our own emotions.
When I was young a year seemed like forever yet now as I am older the years feel like minutes.
I remember when my girls were born, my hopes, my dreams for them all, how they were to grow, learn, love. I never consider time running out on us. Never imagined that one of their journeys would end before mine.
Life played a cruel hand and I lost my Livvy.
Time, oh time, you beautiful, awful thing.
I had nine and a half years with my beautiful girl. Nine and a half years filled with so many special memories but nine and a half years is not enough I wanted my lifetime.
A parent is not supposed to out live their child, it’s as simple as that or so it should be.
Yet the seconds still continue on and the minutes turn into hours and life moves on.
Eleven years, eleven long years since my darling Livvy went to Jesus. I still dont understand why, I only know the how. Eleven years now of moments she wasn’t part of, new memories she was not here to create.
Time they say is a healer I disagree but it has certainly been a teacher.
Over this last eleven years I have had to learn a lot, learn how to live without my beautiful girl, learn how to breathe through the agony of grief, learn how to survive with a missing piece.
Yet most of all time has taught me that still every moment matters.
I was so blessed to have nine and a half years of my beautiful girl, I’m so incredible thankful I have all the memories that I cherish. But I also know that time does go on and that life is a gift and you have to still make the minutes matter.
I know in my heart that Livvy wants me to make my days count. So I’m going to love hard and try to bring some of the joy she brought to me to others.
I want to honour her memory by loving, laughing and living. Livvy is one of my four beautiful girls and whilst I miss her every day I still hear her in her sisters laughter. See her in the sparkle of their eyes. I know she is with us, watching her sister grow, fall in love and make me so proud in all that they do.
I have no doubt that Livvy send Daniel my way, even today talking to his teachers about his mischievous ways there was a moment, a moment when a memory echoed through the school corridor of a blond haired fireball of mischief. A sister leaving footprints for her brother to follow.
I miss my beautiful girl so much but I know how blessed I was and how lucky I still am. One day I will hold my daughter in my arms again and my heart will be whole. Until then my dear Livvy I will love the hardest I possibly can just as you taught me.
Until we meet again, I love you my sweet baby girl. Xxx