Guess what I’m giving up this month.

After the yumminess of Pancake day people are chatting about what they are giving up for Lent. 

Some are giving up alcohol some chocolate and some even social media 😳. 

I was thinking about what to give up but just couldn’t pin something down. Giving up sleep seems to be happening but I’m not ready to give that up completely.

So after thinking about this I’ve decided that what I’m giving up for lent is “expectation. ”

I am going to stop having crazy expectations on myself.

Caring for children with severe special needs is exhausting and the adjustment from one to two has been a big shock. I have found myself falling behind with things like the ironing, the cleaning and university work. 

It’s been hard, especially when running on about two hours sleep.

But that’s ok isn’t it, no one expects a new mom to have a perfect house or manicured nails. 

Well no one but me that’s for sure.

You see I set myself stupidly high expectations and berate myself when I cannot reach them. Whilst I am the most understanding supportive friend to others to myself I am the judgemental bitch that needs shutting up.

So for lent this year I am giving up self expectations. 

I am going to stop expecting to keep my house spotless at all times. I am going to enjoy having a new ironing woman who already has become my saviour and throw away the guilt of not pressing the clothes myself. I’m not going to care that cakes are shop bought and not home made.

I’m not going to expect myself to remember everything. I will try hard to remember birthdays, anniversaries but I won’t beat myself up it I forget one now and again.

I will not expect to be writing full time or dedicating hours and hours to this blog or my social media sites. 

I just can’t do it all and that’s ok. 

So here’s a goodbye to expectations for the next 40 days and hopefully a lot longer. 

Here’s to enjoying my new little one without the evil nagging voice in my head telling me I’m failing. 

Here’s to knowing that life isn’t about housework or deadlines.

 It’s about smiles and cuddles.  

So how should you live life?

Don’t have expectations that way you won’t be disappointed.

This is what I was told.

If you don’t get excited you won’t be let down.

In a world of let downs.

Its best to protect yourself.

 

But I can’t help myself.

I always get caught up in the excitement.

The anticipation

The hope.

Higher and higher I go.

 

Sometimes all is good and I get to fly.

Others I hit the deck hard.

 

So how should you live life?

Should we allow ourselves to be caught it the moment?

Or should we stay grounded so we don’t fall.

This is what my mind is pondering right now.

Yet a piece of poetry keeps rolling about in my mind.

 

    I hold it true, whate’er befall;

    I feel it, when I sorrow most;

    ‘Tis better to have loved and lost

    Than never to have loved at all.

 

Lord Tennyson. 

 

 

I guess I’ve answered my own question.

 

May your soul glitter.

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Have you ever wanted to just escape?

To be somewhere where nobody knows you?

No expectations.

No preformed opinions of who you are or who you should be.

To become anyone you desire.

To be

To be free

From the moment you are born you are someones child and their expectations their opinions are influencing who you are and who you are to become.

From the foods we are fed to music we hear.

EXPECTATIONS

Society breeds conformity, it rebels away from people who don’t tie the party line.

Labelling, grouping, controlling.

Why do we as the human race try to create groups, clones ?

Why do we not celebrate individualism and self expression?

Why are there right ways or wrong ways

Sometimes the journey is more important that the destination.

Sometimes the searching is more important than the finding

Getting lost should be the celebration of a new direction.

Life is for living,

May you wander freely

May your soul glitter with your freedom to be you

Be the you,you wish to be.

Expectations

Wow a new year, why is the concept slowing starting to fill me with dread.

Everyone is talking, writing about expectations, desires, hopes. I just feel sick.

I get scared when I feel I’m expected to do something. That something is required of me. It’s like the panic becomes contagious effecting each and every part of my body and my mind.

I have dreams just like the next person but I’m so scared of failure that at times I’m to fearful to try.

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Accepting my fear has to be the first step. Life has been scary at times, I have faced my worst fear and somehow survived. So acceptance may be the weapon in my arsenal to be used to conqueror my fear.

It’s ok to be scared to move forward but don’t allow it to stop you taking the first step.

It’s ok to be worried about reaching your goals but don’t let it stop you from trying.

It’s ok to be fearful of trusting but don’t allow it to stop you opening your heart.

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I’m not going to fear failure this year. I’m going to accept that life doesn’t always go to plan or follow the pathway I had planned. Yet I will view all as learning experiences, changes to grow mature, flourish.

2012 will be a year of highs of lows, of happiness, of joy , of fear and failure. Through it all I will hold fast to the promises:

When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
(Psalms 56:3, NIV)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
(Deuteronomy 31:6, NIV)

The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
(Psalms 118:6, NIV)

I will move forward facing fear in faith.

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