Honestly I am at the end of my patience with myself, it seems I don’t know how to do down time. I don’t enjoy lazy hours and resting has a purpose to a certain extend. Everyone is telling me this is my time to relax, work on myself, grieve and any other chill out term there is out there.
I get it, Ireally do, I’ve faced a lot over the last few months, but I thrive on being busy. I get fulfilled by creation, by doing a good job, my being successful. The downtime has now turned into pure boredom.
I need a job desperately.
Financially of course I need to pay bills but more than that I need to start rebuilding my identity. It may not be what I had wanted, but I have no choice but to start creating the new me. I truly believe that there must be a purpose to my life and whilst I did believe it was Daniel and it was for a time, but now Sara has to redefine her life and work for me is a major part.
Interviews are scary though I will admit, I mean it’s been over 12 years since I was last interviewed so it is rather strange. I know I have the knowledge but the experience is really holding me back. I’ve achieved a lot in my lifetime but it’s hard at times for people to see this and often harder for me to evidence this.
Also my husband keeps making suggestions about me cleaning the house and cooking his tea for when he comes home from work. I seriously thought that old chestnut had moved on. Domestic goddess I am not.
All I know is that I’m hoping and praying that the interviews pay off and I get a job. I want to be occupied, I mean my days are endless right now. I want to have something to achieve again. I want to get tired by something rather than my own tears. I want to make Daniel and my girls proud. I want to be proud of myself.
Come on world give a girl a job please.