Tweet with kindness or don’t tweet at all.

I must admit that the last week or so i have been glued to my chair watching the antics of the housemates in “Celebrity Big brother” while I have no interest in the counterpart “Big Brother” there is something about the celebrity version that has me hooked.

 

It’s just the inquisitiveness part of me that just wants to know what these people are really like. The truth not just what we read or hear about them in the media.

 

So when I heard that Deirdre Kelly aka white dee was entering the house i was so excited i could have wet myself.

 

Since Benefit Street was shown I have loved this lady. While others saw a benefit scrounger I saw a lady with so much compassion.

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I really admired her courage entering into the big brother house not knowing how she was going to be received.

 

I also knew that finding herself on show could have really affected her depression but give it up for the lady she wants to better life for her and her children so she walked up those famous steps.

 

I have loved watching the show, there are characters i am already loving to hate, James for one. Honestly if that man says “let me explain how it was” once more i may scream and surprise ones that i have taken to my heart, George for example. But the front runner and still my favourite is Mrs Kelly.

 

I love that lady.

 

So imagine my disgust to come across tweets laughing at her sadness that was shown on last nights episode.

 

The lady may or may not ( I can’t speak for her) seems to be finding herself on a roller coaster of emotions. Missing her kids, wondering how she got there and generally fighting the evil of depression.

 

I have seen tweets finding this funny.

 

Tweets accusing her of faking it for the money

 

And the worst ones saying that depression is the biggest con of all time.

 

I wonder what is going wrong in this world when people can say such things.

 

Why do some thing its ok to tweet such vileness?

 

Tweet with kindness it won’t kill you.

 

 

I only hope that Dee’s children are not reading such crap and are watching the television being super proud of their mom.

 

I think the world needs an education regarding depression, I have heard it quoted as “rich persons syndrome’. “Benefit scam” and a lot worse.

 

Depression is a devastating illness which can and does rob life from many.

 

As for those tweeters i hope everyone unfollows you and that way you can stay being sad and horrid in your own little world.

 

While i believe and advocate for the freedom of speech I do not believe that people need to be so cruel.

 

It’s not just about Big Brother its about so much more.

 

The fact that we have so many turning to social media to breed hate rather than love.

 

It’s just wrong.

 

As for me I will be ignoring such crap and will be rooting for Dee to win Celebrity Big Brother and hope that the millions of viewers get to see what I see, one damn fine lady.

 

I will also being trying to share love and kindess from now on.

 

[Tweet “Tweet kindness or don’t tweet at all “] is my new motto.

 

 

Such a loss

 

 

 

 

You would have to be buried deep somewhere last night not to have heard of  the tragic death of Robin Williams.

 

I am still in shock over the awful news.

 

Robin Williams was one of those men that made you believe you knew him.

 

From Mork and Mindy to Good Will Hunting his presence filled the screen.

 

Dead Poets Society was one of those films that changed my thinking.

 

It gave me the courage to challenge, to wonder.

 

That was Robin’s Williams gift to the world, one of wonder.

 

We have laughed so hard at his comedy moments and felt so deep with his straight roles.

 

The man was true talent.

 

 

There are many stories floating around  regarding the reasons for his death, many stating his depression.

 

This saddens me deeply.

 

Yet it is not surprising.

 

Its is true that many from the acting profession find themselves experiencing the lows after the highs.

 

They also find themselves not able to ask for help due to the extreme scrutiny on their lives.

 

I don’t want to speculate, I don’t know the truth of what was happening in Robin Williams mind.

 

What I do know is that mental illness is something that needs to be brought out of the shadows.

 

It is not something anyone should be made to feel shame for.

 

You can not be blamed for having a mental illness as much as you cannot be blamed for having cancer.

 

Yet it still lurks in the darkness.

 

It is time to stop the stigma and discrimination.

 

One in four people in Britain suffer from mental health problems.

 

ONE IN FOUR.

 

This is a frightening statistic and something needs to be done.

 

We need more funding into services and support but we also need more awareness raised to remove the stigma that is attached to mental illness.

 

My heart goes out to Robin William’s family .

 

I can only imagine the pain they are in right now.

 

But I want to raise awareness today.

 

If only to reach one person who is suffering right now.

 

I want them to know they don’t have to be ashamed.

 

They don’t have to hide.

 

Please contact someone to support you.

 

Get help.

 

 

Lets us raise our voices in memory of Robin Williams and all those that have fought a battle against mental illness.

 

Lets be united in ending the discrimination.

 

In the words of the late man himself

 

 

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”

 

Robin Williams
 

 

Lets start the change today.

 

 

Rest in peace Robin.

 

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If you or anyone you know is suffering with a mental health issue there are places you can find support.

 

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Our lines are open 9am – 6pm, Monday – Friday

0300 123 3393
info@mind.org.uk
Text: 86463

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If there’s something troubling you, then get in touch.

We’re here 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

If you need a response immediately, it’s best to call us on the phone. (*call charges apply)

 

 

Behind closed doors

I’ve been thinking recently about who we really know in our lives.

Are we sure we are seeing the real person?

Ask yourself the question

Who do you really know?

I imagine that the number is quite small.

Often you find that the public persona is not really the truth.

How many times have we be surprised by news headlines. Learning that a person we believed to be kind, great and fantastic is in fact a cruel hard abuser.

Pop starts we have worshipped being truly sick individuals.

Who we see is not always who we really are?

The mom at the school playground full of smiles and laughter goes home crying suffering from depression.

The wife who seems so happy and in love is actually a victim of spousal abuse.

We really don’t know what happens behind closed doors.

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I asked myself the question.

Who do people see when they see me?

My answer

I’m not sure.

I am a person who wears her heart on her sleeve. I am known to tell you my life’s story in the first five minutes of meeting.

But do I really share my all?

Do I confess that at times I feel like a complete failure. Motherhood is harder than I ever imagined and as much as I love it I desperately crave a break now and again.

Do I tell you the man that I married drives me insane with his RC obsession and that I’m tired of hearing lap times or speed controller turns and seriously if he forgets something once more I may go slightly insane.

Do I mention that friendship scares the pants of me. That I am convinced I will screw it up and that generally I’m not very likeable.

The truth is we all have hidden sides parts that lurk in the shadows. Yet those hidden sides effect our lives more than we realise.

Maybe it’s time we brought them
Into the light.

Building relationships that are true.

Letting people see who we really are.

I honestly believe this is the key to happiness. When you surround yourself with people who really know you it allows you to be.

To feel

To live.

So I’m saying this is me, I am mixed up lady and that is perfectly ok.

I’m tired of living behind closed doors.

Life is such a gift and I want to live it fully.

So join me open those doors swing open those windows and let’s embrace we are truly are.

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Build true relationships that are transparent.

And in our transparently let us find fulfilment.

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January blues

Crap crap and crap, I have the January blues.

It’s been a weird start to 2014 and I do have a hell of a lot to be grateful for, but besides all this Right now I’m feeling a little low.

I’m reading a lot of articles, blogs, status’s and tweets full of exciting new year plans and all I can think is “yeah whatever”

My get up and go has certainly got up and gone.

I need some direction right now. A deadline, a plan. Just something to give me the gigantic kick up the bum that I need.

I have started my new fitness plan, I’ve been in the pool twice this week and loved it.

But to be honest I don’t think its about the external more the internal.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this week and sometimes that isn’t a good thing.

Dreams I had as a child, the hopes, the expectations.

Questioning what I have achieved.

Missing what I have lost.

January blues

Please go away you aren’t welcome here.

Not in a great place

Compassion, empathy two things that can bring comfort to many.

Yet when you know the pain people are facing it can also bring a reality you don’t want to face closer.

Knowing that people you love are hurting is hard to face.

The pain of loss is like no other and I pray I could bring some comfort but for this there is none.

I just cannot get to sleep tonight, my mind is whirring. Later on today I am attending a funeral. The laying to rest of a beautiful young lady who lost her battle to Rett Syndrome, only 13, too young to die.

I have to stand and watch the pain on the faces of her devastated parents. To watch them try to hold it together.

Is it selfish to wish I didn’t know their pain, to not understand the brokenness of their heart.

It was only four years and six days ago I was those parents, staring in disbelief at the wooden box holding my baby girl.
Praying I would wake up from this nightmare.

I didn’t

I haven’t

And I’m struggling now to understand this life and this crazy world.

Why are young beautiful girls losing their battles?

Rett Syndrome sucks.

My head is so full of questions and my heart is overflowing with anger.

Its not a great place to be.

But nothing makes sense anymore.

I am so lost right now.

Will I ever find my way back?

Do I want to find my way back?

Right now I just don’t know.

Crap Happens

“Crap Happens’ is what they say,yet why is it always on me is how I feel.

I can’t breathe anymore, the pretence Is suffocating me. Trying to be normal, the fake smile is making my face ache.

‘She’s a coper that one?’ ‘always strong’ ‘there for others’ ‘great at picking up the pieces’.

‘Get lost’ is what I want to scream. I’m not coping I’m surviving and only just. Dark thoughts are like snakes slivering in to my brain.

I don’t want to be strong, I’m completely fed up of having to carry on. Curling up into a ball sounds bliss.

Am I depressed I don’t know today I may tick all the boxes tomorrow It may be different. I don’t want a label I want understanding.

I want people to see it hurts, that my soul is aching and I want that to be ok. I need time, patience and respect. Feeling down isn’t a crime. Wanting to shout ‘enough’ isn’t weakness just the mind trying to protect itself.

It’s the expectations of others that do the damage. Telling me how to be, how to move forward.

I just want to feel now!

To wake up tomorrow and be hopeful for a new day.

Maybe it will be. Today I’m not coping I’m just surviving.

Light after darkness

Isn’t life amazing, I have gone from feeling so low to being full of energy and new direction.

Maybe it was just the flu getting me down. Late post Christmas blues. I haven’t a clue I’m just so glad to see back of those low deflating thoughts and feelings.

So much has happened in the last day or so. Great news for Livvy’s Smile watch this space some incredible news coming this way!!

I’ve also worked my way through a personal minefield. After discussions with my children we are going to widen ourselves our places of worship our personal service and learning too.

I’ve realised that life is a journey there are ups and downs. I have learned that at times I will feel in dark places yet to stay strong and remind myself that like the night day will follow so will my light.