Such a loss

 

 

 

 

You would have to be buried deep somewhere last night not to have heard of  the tragic death of Robin Williams.

 

I am still in shock over the awful news.

 

Robin Williams was one of those men that made you believe you knew him.

 

From Mork and Mindy to Good Will Hunting his presence filled the screen.

 

Dead Poets Society was one of those films that changed my thinking.

 

It gave me the courage to challenge, to wonder.

 

That was Robin’s Williams gift to the world, one of wonder.

 

We have laughed so hard at his comedy moments and felt so deep with his straight roles.

 

The man was true talent.

 

 

There are many stories floating around  regarding the reasons for his death, many stating his depression.

 

This saddens me deeply.

 

Yet it is not surprising.

 

Its is true that many from the acting profession find themselves experiencing the lows after the highs.

 

They also find themselves not able to ask for help due to the extreme scrutiny on their lives.

 

I don’t want to speculate, I don’t know the truth of what was happening in Robin Williams mind.

 

What I do know is that mental illness is something that needs to be brought out of the shadows.

 

It is not something anyone should be made to feel shame for.

 

You can not be blamed for having a mental illness as much as you cannot be blamed for having cancer.

 

Yet it still lurks in the darkness.

 

It is time to stop the stigma and discrimination.

 

One in four people in Britain suffer from mental health problems.

 

ONE IN FOUR.

 

This is a frightening statistic and something needs to be done.

 

We need more funding into services and support but we also need more awareness raised to remove the stigma that is attached to mental illness.

 

My heart goes out to Robin William’s family .

 

I can only imagine the pain they are in right now.

 

But I want to raise awareness today.

 

If only to reach one person who is suffering right now.

 

I want them to know they don’t have to be ashamed.

 

They don’t have to hide.

 

Please contact someone to support you.

 

Get help.

 

 

Lets us raise our voices in memory of Robin Williams and all those that have fought a battle against mental illness.

 

Lets be united in ending the discrimination.

 

In the words of the late man himself

 

 

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”

 

Robin Williams
 

 

Lets start the change today.

 

 

Rest in peace Robin.

 

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If you or anyone you know is suffering with a mental health issue there are places you can find support.

 

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Our lines are open 9am – 6pm, Monday – Friday

0300 123 3393
info@mind.org.uk
Text: 86463

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CALL US

If there’s something troubling you, then get in touch.

We’re here 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

If you need a response immediately, it’s best to call us on the phone. (*call charges apply)

 

 

I am proud of my scars

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I came across this quote last night by The Alchemist author Paulo Coelho. It was one of those quotes that stopped me in my tracks as it is simply words that I could have written.

 

I look back in my life and the heartaches and suffering I have faced and realise that they are my scars and regardless if I want them or not they are my reminders of the life I lived and who I am today.

 

I’m not sure I am one of those people that believe that everything happens for a reason but I know I am a believer in the choices we have to make. Do we let our most painful moments destroy us or do we rise from them a wiser and sometimes stronger person.

 

I can not honestly say that I ever wished to lose Olivia but I can say that losing her has allowed me the empathy to walk along side other grieving parents.

 

I won’t ever admit to being grateful to be living in constant pain but I am grateful that I can understand and support others in the same situation.

 

These moments don’t  always have to be dramatic occurrences they can also be found in the simple things. The kindness you show to others can be the example you set for your children. The opening of your heart to a friend may allow that friend to open her heart to another.

 

Life is all about choices and the decisions we make at the hardest of times and at the easiest of times. They become the definition of who we are.

 

I am proud of my scars they are what made me who I am today.

Making changes

For as long as my mind and my heart knows I have been responsible, but for longer than that I believe I have had a desire to be responsible.

To be able to fix, change, make things right.

But sometimes you can’t and its this knowledge this acceptance I am finally allowing myself this year.

You see if I don’t I will crumble.

It’s like I’ve been using my reserves, the last of my strength for so long that I simply have nothing left.

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My health has paid a hefty price.

My heart a lot more.

So 2013 has been a learning curve for me.

I cannot be all things to everyone, it simply isn’t possible.

This doesn’t mean I stop loving people or wishing them well. Of course I do but I have to put certain things first, certain people first.

My beautiful daughters, some may look at them and see happy healthy young ladies and yes they are all that but scratch a little below the surface and you will see three incredible young souls who have faced more heartbreak in their young lives that many will every see in a lifetime.

You will see three overly empathic children who feel the burden of pain for the outside world. Why because they understand, they relate more than they ever should.

You will also see three young ladies in the journey from childhood to adulthood with all the stresses and pain that journey alone can bring.

I want to be their strength, their place of comfort.

My marriage, yes I am blessed with a great guy but together we have been to hell and back. Both so very heartbroken and not knowing how to voice that pain. We have had to take time to remind ourselves of happiness and work on making it happen again.

I want to be the wife this wonderful frustrating man deserves.

My health , stress plays an evil game both on the mind and the body. At times my body feels so battle weary. The chronic pain drives me slowly insane. I need to focus on letting go of the stress and that overload of adrenaline that causes this heart of mine to flutter.

I want to be able to be healthy enough to enjoy life.

My job, I use these words tenderly as my job is maybe one of the best in the world. I have been given the change to love upon a child. To help make a difference. It isn’t easy anyone who has every cared for a special needs child could vouch for this, but it is so very worth it.

I want to keep making that difference.

Myself, for a long time this was where the shortfall would happen. Never giving myself time, never believing in who I am.

This needs to change, to be all of the above I need to love myself more.

I need to allow myself to live my dreams.

I need allow myself time.

So yes it’s been a season of change, but it’s been good. I am finally on the journey to self acceptance.

To look into who I am and say “you know what you are ok”.

To receive a compliment and say “thank you” without the need to lower my head and turn away.

But to continue in this journey I have to make changes, to prioritise.

I remember back in school a teacher telling me that “I couldn’t be everything to everyone”

She was right, though at the time I disagreed I just believed I needed to try harder.

Trying harder isn’t always the answer.

My life lesson.

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Changing myself

The only one thing I can change is myself, but sometimes it makes all of the difference.’. Unknown

As you all have probably realised I love quotes. I adore them on paper, screen, wall art, notebook, magnets anywhere. They inspire and uplift me.

The quote above is pretty apt for the stage I am reaching in my life. For a long time I haven’t really liked who I was. To chubby, to weak, to thick, not dedicated enough , terrible wife, dreadful mother have all been thoughts that have crowded my mind at one point or another.

I’ve never allowed myself to see what I’ve achieved or how far I’ve come. Or how strong I have been. The negative has definitely overweighed the positive.

Yet today while mucking about in a clothes store with Alan my husband I finally realised the difference between vanity and respect for oneself.

Looking in the mirror and saying “hey you are pretty ok”. Is not the same as saying “hey world look how great I am”.

The time has come for change, I believe I have a lot to be proud of. I have achievements I should respect.

As the quote says “‘The only one thing I can change is myself,” but doing this has made a difference.

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