Freedom at forty 

Wow it’s official today I am forty years old. I know I should be freaking out moaning about the wrinkles but to be perfectly honest I love it. I am celebrating not just the coming of a milestone age but also the freedom in who I am.

  

Finally at forty I am comfortable in my own skin. I know the direction of my life and I’m content and fulfilled. 

I am celebrating more than 40 years on this earth. I am recognising my struggles, my heartbreaks, my relationships and the way they have all shaped me into the person I am today. 

  

I am looking back and seeing the many blessings I have had in my life. Celebrating my beautiful girls, my handsome boys, my wonderful husband.

I am grateful for the friendships that I’ve had, those that have stood the test of time and those that were brief but valuable. 

I can look back and see the life’s lessons I have had to learn. Some I got quickly some which took a little longer, all had value, all had purpose. 

I’m excited about the coming years, excited to embrace all the future has for me. 

I’m moving into my 40’s determined and head first. 

I’ve learned a lot over the last 4 decades and I’m hoping I will take this knowledge forward into new experiences and new memory making moments. I’m hoping that older may mean wiser but hey you know me. Heart first and the head a little later. 

So today Happy birthday to me, thank you to all the family and friends who have walked alongside me. Thank you for the memories and the moments and here’s to many many more. Bring on the next 40. 
  

Happy 16th birthday

This time sixteen years ago I was sitting in a hospital bed thanking God for the blessing of a second daughter.

With a mass of jet black hair she entered the world in stressful way and has continued along the same lines ha ha.

Eden is my shy one always hiding from the camera and hating being the centre of attention unlike her sisters and to be honest she didn’t really want me to write much on this post.

So keeping it short…

If she wasn’t so shy I will tell you she is an amazing young lady with more strength that she knows.

I would also tell you that she is naturally beautiful but I know she would be embarrassed.

I would then mention her kind caring heart but she would probably kill me.

So I’m simply going to say

Happy 16th Eden we love you to the moon, stars and back again. Xxxx

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Birthdays are special

I’ve been thinking about birthdays recently and how sometimes we don’t realise how special each one is.

I guess as you get older the excitement wears off, I mean who really wants to be old.

But I believe that we look at it the wrong way.

A birthday marks the passing of another year that you were blessed to be here.

Now I don’t wish to sound maudlin or miserable far from it, I want us to realise the celebration of life.

When my children were younger every birthday had a party, we celebrated with family and friends. It was a celebration a real time to rejoice, but as we all get older its becomes less so.

I think often of Livvy and the fact that we only had 9 birthdays to celebrate with her. I give thanks that we celebrated each one in style.

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But it shouldn’t take the fear of loss to make us celebrate each other. Each year we get to spend together is special, it is a gift and should be rightly appreciated as such.

Birthdays are times to let the people you love and cherish know how much you value them.

So be it a 21st or a 42nd let’s celebrate the gift of a year and the blessing of having each other in our lives.

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Today is my birthday

Today is my birthday.

How different it is when you get older. Birthdays becomes less pretty and sparkly and more practical.

To be truthful, I’m not really keen on my birthday. It’s not the getting older that stresses me, just the memories of birthdays gone past.

Growing up money was tight, I have some memories, some good some bad.

I remember my 8th birthday vividly I had one of those plastic handbags and a fame outfit. I was so proud of that purple skirt and top. I danced for hours believing in the dream. I was so excited to be going to school to tell all my friends about my special day. Then my mom called me closer, “Measles” no school today. My birthday was on the Wednesday and as the week progressed by Friday I was diagnosed with German measles and the mumps. My goodness I was poorly.

So birthdays were days that came and went, my 18th was spent drunk for a week,on my 21st I was pregnant and married.

Then they began to change as my children got older the excitement returned as I celebrated my day through their eyes. The morning ritual of being woken with bouncing children on my bed. Presents and cards being thrust eagerly into my hands. Chorus’ of happy birthday ringing throughout the house.
Livvy screaming with excitement grasping at my gifts to rip the wrapping paper. Brodie trying her hardest to place them out of her reach.

Laughter returned to my day, their joy was the biggest and best birthday gift I can ask for.

Yet today is my fourth birthday without Livvy. Somehow we are struggling to bring back the sparkle to the day. We will work our way through the motions all so aware of the empty space on the bed and un ripped gifts.

So strange

So silent

So lost.

I will smile and enjoy my girls today. Cherish the love and kisses they will bestow on me. Open their gifts with the excitement they deserve.

I promise I will try.

Yet as they say, it’s the elephant in the room that tears at my heart.

I close my eyes and hear her sweet giggles and know kisses are being sent from heaven and one day our birthdays with be celebrated together again.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away- Unknown

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