I have the Blues


I think I have a bit of the post conference blues.


At the Brit mums weekend I was Sara and I loved it.


As much as I cherish being mom sometimes I lose my identity under the piles of dirty washing and endless tantrums.


My job also doesn’t really give me a place to be Sara as a foster carer parenting is my job, which yes I love but hey where am I?


Maybe it just a case of the blues, that will soon pass over, or maybe its the inner me shouting a little louder than normal.


While we all love our roles of mother, wife etc we still need to remember that we are ourselves too.


To indulge in our passions be in it books, nights out, nights in. 


Whatever we desire, need.


I need to take this on board more. 


I need to not wait for those once a year weekends to embrace the woman inside.


This doesn’t detract from the roles I play it enhances them.


A happy mom makes for happy children.


A contented wife has a contented husband



So I’m make a new resolution (no its not new year) I’m going to celebrate me a little more, indulge me a little more, embrace me a little more.


I’m going to step out of the roles that have been defining me and learn more about the woman within.


I’m sure she is still there somewhere?


 Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all. Hans Christian Anderson

The Famous Curry Bazaar

Last Saturday night I made my first visit to the famous Brick Lane. After a busy and intense day myself and few friends were starving a looking for a place to grab a nice meal.


We happened upon a young man outside the restaurant The Famous Curry Bazaar. Straight away I loved the energy and personality of this man as he explained to us that if we wanted great food this was the place to be.


So after some negotiation i.e., a free round of beers we agreed to eat at the restaurant and write him a review. I mean we are awesome writers as you well know.


Curry Bazar is a light and airy restaurant with staff that made you feel welcome.


We all started with popadoms, salad, mint sauce and chucknys.


I followed with sheek kebab starters and a main meal of chicken tikka masala (yes I’m very adventurous ). 


The others had a selection of meals including prawn purée, and lamb dansak.


Of course I can only speak for myself but honestly it was one of the best Indian meals I’ve ever had.


The sheek kebabs melted in my mouth and the Masela was the perfect mix of spices and not to intense. 


To be honest I am a lousy food reviewer simply because I cannot find the right words to describe to you the quality, texture of the food.


All I can say is that my plate was empty at the end. I ate every last bit of meal as it was absolutely gorgeous.


I had a fantastic evening at the Curry Bazaar the staff were pleasant and helpful, even being willing to take photos of us all.


The food was hot and plentiful and totally yummy.


All in all it was a great night. I do recommend this restaurant and next time I’m back in London I hope to visit again.




For this review we did all get a free round of drinks and 20% off the bill. This is no way affected my opinions they are completely honest and my own.


Britmums Live – My conclusion

I have spent the last week digesting all that I learned over the weekend at Britmums Live. Some of it inspired me, some of it left me cold but my conclusion is this….


Blogging is a world that’s growing at a incredible rate and it’s becoming a vast sphere of opinions and ideas. Its a place was our voices are now being heard and where our opinions now matter.


What I was reminded of last weekend at Britmums Live was that our voices need to be true, be authentic, be real. That we hold a responsibility to be accountable for what we write.


Never try to be someone you are not. Being yourself is what gives the passion to your words.


Reviews, sponsorship, advertising they are all fine but please believe in the product you are promoting. 


Stay true to you!


Your blog is YOUR voice so let YOU  be heard.


My Britmums Live Experience – Take 2

So now for the real reason behind my weekend success – the people , the amazing, kind, funny and down right just wonderful people who crossed my path over the last few days.

Firstly I have to mention Her Melness, now Mel is what I was call blogging royalty even if she denies it, her blog is honest, open and at times downright sarcastic and I love it.

Now Mel in her alter ego The Gift of Words  actually sponsored me to attend Britmums live and I was so looking forward to personally thanking her. What I didn’t expect was to find this amazing, warm, loving lady who made me feel so special as she opened her arms with friendship. Mel has this way of  making you feel like you could tell her anything. Mel and I had some lovely chats over the weekend (I’m missing them already) and those fireworks they were meant just for us.

Of course I can’t mention Mel without sending out a big hug to her best friend Angie.  One fantastic lady and I especially loved watching the banter between her and Mel it was obvious to see they were lifelong friends. 

I did get to meet and chat with so many over the weekend but two other people who have crossed the blogger threshold into the friendship one are Kate from Two cats, youngling and Me and Tinuke from Circus Moms. I’m so excited to get to know them more and looking forward to our next get together. 

As you can see we had some fun….


To be honest It would be easy to fill this page and many more with the many people I enjoyed chatting to over the weekend. I totally stepped out of my comfort zone and said Hi to many of the writers I admire. Nickie from Typecast, Katie Davis Holmes from  Kate On Thin ice, Michelle from Mummy from the heart and many many more.

 I got to meet some of the fantastic ladies who I was short listed with in the inspire Category  , Alex from “Doing it all for Aleyna. Clare from A Boy with Aspergers, Steph from “Was this in the Plan” Hayley from “Downs side up” Kylie from “Not even a bag of sugar and of course Lisa from “Mummy Whisper” who went on to win our category final,all incredible woman who inspire and change people’s perceptions. I love them!  I was gutted that Kathryn from ”Crystal Jigsaw” didn’t attend as I have been following her blog for a long time and would have loved the chance to say hi.

 I was lucky enough to get say hello to many people whose blogs I have admired and read for a long time but also got to meet many new people whose blogs I am now reading and enjoying.

 It fact Britmums Live for me was totally about the people. Yes I found the workshops informative and helpful but it was the conversations I had with others that made my weekend.

 As I was on the train home on Sunday, I was excited by the new people following me on twitter and the new people I have started following on twitter.

 I was also so touched by peoples reactions to my comments in the Sod the Stats, Blogging for Happiness workshop.

 In simple I was blessed.

 Thank you to all  those who made this nervous blogger feel welcome this weekend.

Oh and  Susanna it was wonderful to finally get to say Hi, it was an awesome weekend, well done to you and Jennifer and all at Brit mums.




My experiences at BritMums- Take 1.

Well where do I start, how can I try and describe my weekend at BritMums live in one blog post, I can’t so this is going to be one of a many (ok a few). The weekend has held so many layers that it’s going to take me time to slowly peel them back and digest all that I have experienced, all that I have learned and all those amazing people I have met.

To be perfectly honest on Friday morning I was ready to just turn back and go home, after reaching London and finding the buses on strike I realised I had to face the underground. Now for this claustrophobic lady that was enough to send my heart into a panic.

But you know what I didn’t, I gave myself a quick kick up the butt and using my daughters words I “manned up”. The crazy thing is after making the ticket guy giggle I made it to Old street station with no issues. Then thankfully down to the kindness of Geek mummy I left by the right exit and reached the hotel in five minutes woo hoo,way to go me.

A quick wash and change I was ready to hit Britmums Live.

Friday to be honest was a bit of a blur I think my nerves regarding the Bibs awards were getting to me, I seriously couldn’t relax, it’s not that I seriously expected to win but of course I secretly wanted too ( whoops not very secret anymore).

I loved listening to Ruby Wax she has an amazing way of viewing the world and made me giggle. Her battle against depression inspired me and her words rang true and deep for me. I have suffered depression following the onset of my illness and could seriously relate to what she spoke about. For a long time I felt such a failure, my Iife was controlled by panic attacks and irrational fears. I felt so useless as a mother, as a wife. My life had changed so dramatically, I was so lost, but thankfully with help from medication and support from my incredible husband I found my way again and found my new pathway and now for over 4 years I haven’t been on medication and have been ok. Though I’m not going to tempt fate and say I’m cured, I still have really low days but thankfully they are few and far between and does depression every really go away? Maybe a topic for different blog post.

I attended the Friday workshop, Crossing the Chasm and really enjoyed listening to advice of some awesome bloggers. It’s great to hear different opinions on what they see as crossing the chasm. For some it’s stats, for others it’s different. The blogging world is so vast and I love it.

Then the day got really exciting we had that awesome Bibs party, with free wine and half naked men what more could I ask for, It was funny and it was awesome.

Following the laughter we had the Bibs and I didn’t win boo hoo, no seriously it was a great night and my category ‘inspire’ was won by a lovely lady who is an amazing blogger ‘Mummy Whisper‘. What I also did take away from the evening was the fact that there are some amazing blogs out there that I had no idea about. I can see many hours being spend reading from now on.

I’m not going to bore you with all the details of the workshops I attended over the weekend to be honest i still haven’t digested all the information i have taken in ,but I do want to mention the fantastic Blogging for happiness one, as you know if you read this blog I write from my heart, what you see here is what’s in my head. This workshop reinforced this for me. That the reason we blog matters, the words that we share should be authentic. Blogging should be about finding our voices and letting them be heard through our words. Nobody can do you better than you.

The weekend has been an amazing experience and all at Brit mums should be feeling chuffed with themselves for putting on a fantastic event.

The whole thing was great from start to finish, ok maybe the food wasn’t awesome but hey I’m a picky bugger.

I loved chatting with the brands, they were all so friendly, I fell in love with the guys from Panasonic and their dual microwave oven, unfortunately it wouldn’t fit in my handbag to bring home and I didn’t get a taste of their fresh bread but I will forgive them as they were so awesome. The beautiful ladies at Bananagrams were so lovely and I can’t wait to play the game when I get home with my girls. Seriously though they were all great, though I do have to mention the Badgers beer tasting event, someone could have warned me that we were supposed to smell and look at the beer before downing it, felt like such a lush standing there with an empty cup. Like any self respecting beer drinker I grabbed myself another to join in, I mean I did have to appreciate the smell and texture didn’t I.

The conference was ended by the keynote speeches I laughed, I cried and I laughed again. An inspiring collection of wonderful posts that moved and inspired me.

Yes all in all it was an amazing weekend and I had a ball, really looking forward to next year. Date is already in the diary, ok in my iPhone calendar but hey it’s the same thing.

My Brit mums experienced doesn’t stop here, I have so much more to share,as they say on all the t.v programmes to be continued…..

P.S A Big thank you to The Gift of Words for sponsoring me allowing me to attend this awesome event.

And now I have a train to catch xx

I’m on my way to Brit Mums Live

Right as I’m typing this I’m on the train to Brit mums Live. I’m so nervous and so excited all in one go.

I’m really looking forward to meeting everyone and turning my virtual hugs into real ones.

The agenda is fully packed and I’m really looking forward to some of the workshops and listening to some of the guest speakers.

Of course it’s always nice to meet up with some of the brands and learn about what they offer what they do.

So all being well and if I don’t get lost on the way to the hotel, this afternoon I will be at Brit mums Live.

See you later…..

Believing in myself

Today one of my daughters told me off. I was moaning about how nervous I was for this weekends Brit mums live when she told me straight.


“mom if you don’t believe in yourself how do you expect others too.”


Bang, right in my face!


How true , here I am harping on about my nerves probably making you all think I’m some kind of sloppy wimp.


When the fact is that’s not true.


Ok I’m not an overly outgoing person but I can and do generally chat to anyone, anywhere.


I have spoken in public numerous times on different subjects and do actually really enjoy it.


I also liaise with professionals from all walks of life on a weekly if not daily basis.


I am the co-founder of a charity  Livvy’s Smile which is growing fantastically and have hosted and organised numerous events.


I’m also a writer both here and in other places including the Compassion UK Blog and fostering publications.

I’m also a mom to four incredible girls and a foster mom to one young man.

And to top it all off I’m also in the Brilliance in Blogging Inspire category final with Brit Mums, how about that.


So come on girl pull yourself together. 


One gigantic kick up the bum coming my way.


So from now on I’m stepping forward with a new attitude.


I’m going to start believing in myself more.


And in the words of  Babe Ruth


Don’t let the fear of striking out hold you back. – Babe Ruth



Brit mums prompt – Revelation


This weekend I’m packing my suitcase and heading off to London for the fantastic Brit Mums Live. It’s going to be packed event with lots of things happening.

The things is I’m going alone, I haven’t arranged to meet up with anyone, share a room with anyone, I’m completely on my lonesome.

My revelation is this, I’m looking forward to it.

At first I was really nervous about going on my own but now I’m really looking forward to it. I have no obligations, I can chat to who I want to chat to, eat with who I want to eat and not worry who likes who.

I am really looking forward to a weekend of meeting new people that I have chatted to or tweeted with.

A chance to make new friends is always a great opportunity and this is one I’m seriously excited about.


Feeling sick and needing help

Every time I see a magazine with models on the covers looking perfect, or enter a shop full of beautiful clothes I actually feel sick.

My body shape has changed so much in the last few years due to children, illness etc that I hate trying on clothes. I have just come to accept that if I see a top, dress I like you can guarantee it won’t be in my size.

The thing is I have kind of accepted the body I have, I don’t like it but unless a cure can be found for my illness I’m not going to be running any marathons anytime soon. My weight is also not helped by the medication which is great for pain but lousy for weight loss.

It’s been a weird road for me, I was a dancer in my younger years and finding clothes to fit was never a problem the tighter the better.

Move on 16 years it’s a case of the bagger the better and as for my style I really give up. I still like the rockabilly look but maybe a little smart too. Let’s be honest I haven’t a clue, I need help.

When the kids were younger I didn’t really stress to much, my wardrobe pretty much consisted of jeans and black T-shirt’s with the odd blouse for smarter occasions.

But recently I have found myself attending more meetings, conferences and workshops and have been feeling undressed and to be honest a bit of a scruff.

Now with Brit mums coming up I am actually really stressed and feel really sick.

The email for the brilliance in blogging finalists reminding us to wear what we are happy to have our photo took in has send me into a spiral of self doubt, fear and pretty much self loathing.

I’m trying to find the confidence to go shopping in hope of the perfect conference outfit. You know one that will look great on the photos but not be to overdressed for the workshops and will also not look out of place at the party in the evening. Yes I know I’m asking a lot.

So far I’ve only managed to look online and there is some beautiful plus size clothes out there, but will they suit me and my personality.

I know as we get older our bodies change and its part of life but I do think that changing styles also happens as we age. Not many of us would wear the same outfit at 36 that we wore at 18.

I guess I have to just work out what style suits this body and this 36 year olds personally.

This could take a while!

Anyone got any ideas?

Favourite time of day – Brit Mums Prompt


One of the Brit mums weekly blog prompts was the question

What is your favourite time of day?

I took my time answering this it’s the blog persona versus real life debate. Should I be making myself out to be this truly devoted l mother whose favourite time of the day is the moment the children awake or shall I be honest and confess my favourite time of the day is the end of the night when all are asleep and the house is quiet and I get some me time.

Now don’t get me wrong the time I spend with my children is a gift. I only know too well how precious life is and how short time can be.

Yet that moment when the house goes quiet and the television is mine or the peace to write is there, then that is bliss.

My life is chaos and I love it. I have two teenage girls one just sitting her GCSE’s and one trying to change the world. I also have an adorable 11 year old who seems to be growing up overnight, trying to be like her older sisters yet still wanting to hold on to the fun of childhood. I also foster children with special needs, so yes my life is chaotic.

If we add running the charity Livvys Smile, studying and blogging into the mix life is very full.

So it’s in this quiet time I find my peace.

No phone calls to answer.
No emails to read
No children to tend to
Chores can be ignored

It’s my time and it’s my recharging time.

Brain is switched off and I am happy to just watch television or read or just let the words flow into my notebook.

Just my time

So yes my favourite time of the day is when the house goes quiet around 10pm at night.

And all these monkeys are asleep. (or pretending to be at least).