Maybe you should wait?

Maybe you should wait until you get over it?

It?

Getting over it?

Right I have to touch on a subject that is really starting to drive me crazy. I recently posted about my excitement regarding my new job only to recieve comments or questions regarding “should I go to work if I’m grieving?

Is it too soon, are you ready?

Maybe you should wait until you get over it?

I just want to be honest and tell you how I feel how I feel regarding these comments and this field of questioning. Firstly full disclaimer I truly do believe you all mean well…

But and I mean a gigantic but….

If I was to wait until I stopped grieving Daniel I would never work again because grief doesn’t have a time limit unless you count eternity as a valid measurement. So whilst there will always be tears and pain regarding Daniel I cannot wait until I’m over something that I’m never going to be over. Olivia passed over 14 years ago and I miss her daily, far from over it. Grief is a lifetimes journey.

Also can I just state that my husband returned to work and the comments he’s received have been “it’ll do you good” “good on you” “fantastic it will be good to keep yourself busy” not one comment saying should he not be staying off work and grieving, or it’s too soon. All I find remarkable because believe me his grief is as strong as mine and his heart is as broken. Is this a gender bias, the man has to be the provider, well you know what I feel about gender bias and discrimination of any form.

I know myself well enough to know what works for me, what I need and there is only so long I can sit in a pit of misery and missing without it consuming me. I need a purpose,(Daniel was the best purpose ever). But having a reason to get up in the morning is something I need in my life. I live to serve, to fight for change, to make a difference, this is who I am. I cannot change the fact that Daniel has gone, you don’t know how much I would want to, if love could have saved him he would be still in my arms but it didn’t and all I can do now Is to try an honour my gorgeous boy by living with purpose.

Also I need to be blatantly honest here, with the cost of living so high and rising how can I afford not to work? Daniels death did not stop my bills. No one is going to pay for me to sit at home and grieve it just doesn’t happen in fact the opposite happens, the day Daniel died any kind of money or support we were getting died with him ( don’t get me started on this). So I have to go back to work.

I cannot do sitting around,it’s just not me whilst I will always be grieving my beautiful boy I also know that I need to be moving, to be achieving and thankfully I’m entering into a field that I’ve wanted to work in for a long time. A field where I hope I can make a different. A job I hope will bring me the purpose I need. Nothing will change how much I am going to miss my beautiful boy, the agony of missing him is mine for a lifetime. The only thing I can hope for is that I can make him and his sisters proud and for me returning to work is now a step towards this.

One thought on “Maybe you should wait?

  1. I’m sorry that you’ve had to face insenstive comments! I would think that we’ve all had grief in our lives to be more sensitive to the pain of others, but sometimes we let our words out before we think or feel.
    I wish you and your husband the strength to go on with your work, even as you and your family continue to grieve the loss of those two angels! It’s a tough road ahead, but your writing and sharing is a testament to your strength – even though there must be days when you just want to weep all the time.
    Holding you in my thoughts and prayers! ♥

    Like

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