Day 2 of #hopewriterlife

Intention

intention

noun [ C or U ]

UK /ɪnˈten.ʃən/ US /ɪnˈten.ʃən/

B2

something that you want and plan to do:

[ + to infinitive ] It wasn’t my intention to

Intention something you want or plan?

Do you want to know a secret?

I’m scared of intentions, even those made with the best at heart. I’m fearful for making plans. It’s something I was trying to work on then Covid came to visit and how many plans have had to change, stop.

Growing up I struggled, I lived with a lot of broken promises, shall we do this next time forgotten by others not by me. Financially issues didn’t always allow things to happen that I could understand but sometimes out of sight out of mind was the stronger inflection.

So when plans were made I didn’t get excited I didn’t trust. So intention is something I hold at a distant.

Being a mom of a child of a complex child I know the best intentions can be easily changed only last week our holiday, our plans were cut short. But somehow that’s different that’s not through disregard or lack of respect.

I seriously struggle to make plans because I know my life circumstances often lead to cancelling or changing and I hate that someone things I cannot be bothered or do not care. So I stay hesitate and often say no in fear.

To me the word intention holds a responsibility to try and so when spoken by others I’m guarded. In therapy my goal was allow myself to get excited and I was almost there then blooming Covid came along.

I do want to know the joy of waiting, the excitement of what’s coming but for now I’m still a long way off but my intention oh the irony is to try.