We cannot go anywhere.

We don’t know when we will see those we love again.

We don’t know how or what our jobs will look like after this.

How will we cope?

What will eat?

Over the last few weeks, it has begun to feel like I have no choice in life. I cannot do what I want to do, I cannot hug those I wish to hold. I feel this weight on my chest of restriction. A noose of fear tightens day by day around my neck.

It’s hard to not feel in control of my own destiny.

Control is something I struggle with, a childhood that was often chaotic has led to an adulthood of craving the need to constrain. Yet when I read of God, I know in my heart that he has the ultimate authority of me.

Yet I still battle to hand over my control.

I’ve realised that for a long time I have mixed up control with manipulation something never used by our Father. It has taken me a while to see God’s authority is simply love.

Pure love.

Yet still even knowing this I have cried out to God this week, begged him to allow me a choice.

Yet as I was praying, I was given the image of two doors, and God was telling me simply you have a choice.

One door is faith, the other is self.

You see even in this midst I have always had a choice; I could live life depending on myself and this world or I could choose to trust what I know is true, my God.

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. “Joshua 24:15

It is a scary time right now, I’m not going to pretend I am not living in fear because I am, but I am also living in faith.

I turn my fear into praise.

33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33  (NIV)

Take heart he has overcome this world.

As we enter into this Easter weekend just try and focus on the sacrifice of our saviour Jesus, imagine the many days and nights Jesus knew of what was coming before him. Yet even in this time, he turned his heart towards the father. Knowing he was to follow his Father’s will he still prayed for us, for those that had turned against him, he still loved us more.

Right now, in this time of too many toilet rolls and empty shelves pray harder than we have ever prayed before.

We may not know what the future holds but because of the cross, we know who holds the future

and he loves us so.

3 thoughts on “Control

  1. Dot and Mike

    So honest. To read this is refreshing. Our Lord has plans which you may not yet know of, so look up and see your Father on heaven and continue to experience his love surrounding you.


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