So it has taken me a week to write about Daniel’s first day at school and I’m still not sure I can find the words. I literally feel like my heart is split in two. So I’ve decided the only way to share the journey is to actually split this post in two.

So here we go, firstly my son is amazing he absolutely aced his first week at school and literally has me shocked. We were all jokingly taking bets on how long it would take him to feel confident enough to open his eyes and engage in what is a strange new environment. I was hoping for a couple of weeks, my girls thought months whoops. But my superstar decided he was going to make the most of this school fun and had eyes open and engaging on his first day. That’s right the first morning, I literally was in shock and if it wasn’t for the photographs proving it I may have not believed it. How amazing is he. He has literally loved his teachers, been in the hydro pool for the first time and attended his first donkey sanctuary session, way to go Daniel. I am so proud and whilst I confess to being incredibly anxious I do know without a doubt that he is at one of the best schools he could be at with some amazing staff. Did I mention how proud I was of my boy?

Secondly, walking back into the school that echoed with my daughters laughter hurt like crazy. The corridors she walked I was now walking her brother down. The staff that had loved her are now loving my son and whilst I never wanted him to go any other place the memories are still raw and painful.

I know Livvy would be so proud of her brother. I know she would have told him where to find the chocolate biscuits and I know she would inform him of the best arms for cuddles, yet I know she isn’t here to stand beside him as he starts his new journey into education. Still I believe she is watching over him, encouraging him to trust, to open his eyes and engage. I can hear her tell him “don’t be afraid, these are our people”. “They will love you as they loved me”.

I know she walked with me as I walked through the door, I felt her strength as I left Danny for his first day, but it’s still sucks that she wasn’t there with me.