Someone asked me the other day if I now felt complete after adopting our little one and I didn’t know how to answer.
You see Daniel has blessed my life in so many ways but he cannot fill the hole left by Livvy, nor should he.
Each of my children have their own unique place in my heart and Daniels adoption was never about filling the void left by Livvy.
Daniel is his own kind of wonderful he has brought a new sense of joy to my life. His smiles do lighten the darkest of days but he isnt Livvy and he never will be.
Losing Livvy took a part of me that can never be replaced. I know that my missing piece is waiting for me in heaven but until that day my heart will never be whole, never be complete. This missing piece is shaped by blond curls and piercing blue eyes. By a smile full of mischief and mayhem.
My Livvy shaped hole cries out to hear the infectious laughter that used to fill the air. My heart aches to be whole but the loss of a child leaves a void that can never be refilled.
Daniel is a truly wonderous gift but to see him as a replacement is wrong. Livvy cannot and never will be replaceable but also Daniels value is so much more than that of a stand in.
My cheeky brown eyed boy is his very own kind of magical. His smile can break down my barriers in seconds. His singing and his teasing of his sisters are moments my heart cherishes. Daniel is my son, my beautiful curly haired boy.
He does often remind me of Livvy, his mischeviousness for one and these moments often do bring back memories that I hold dear, but he isnt tied to the past. He has a future of moments to be made into memories. He will learn of his missing sister just as he will learn of the three here to love upon him. Livvy willl be alive with him as she is with us in memories and stories shared. I will tell him of her character, challenge him with her courage and share with him how im sure she played a part in him becoming mine.
So no I am not complete but I am one very thankful woman, I am so grateful that I get to be mom to four equally incredible girls and now i’m also mom to one completely gorgeous boy.
I am so very lucky.