I was sitting down last night wishing I could tweet anonymously so I could be completely honest with the world. That I could stop pretending that everything is ok and just be true. But then I realised that the whole concept of hiding isn’t truth. 

Sometimes I find this world so hard to understand and to fathom. It’s as if people don’t want to see others happy and enjoy in hurting and harming. It often feels that the selfish need of one is always more important that the needs of many.

Maybe I am as I was once told too emphatic?

Maybe I need to find a way to switch of my compassion. Or maybe I just need to find a peace between my mind and the world.

Does that sound crazy? It could, but sometimes I feel as if I am from another planet. As if my connection to this world is weak and failing. 

Oh my goodness listen to me, connection to the world how far out do I sound. 

But let’s be honest, isn’t the connections we make in this world part of our own definition. We come into this world connected, a son or a daughter born to a mother and a father, connections. Are we a sibling, a niece and nephew. Connections form from the moment of birth without any really effort on our behalf. 

Inheritance of birth is connection. 

These connections are our foundation, what forms us. Whilst we may not follow or at times understand the beliefs, reasoning of our parents but it’s these connections that educate us to grow, to question.

Friendship forming new threads of connectivity within the world. School pals, work colleagues and so many more.

Some connections are brief and tenuous whilst others become lifelong and strong.

Yet every connection defines us in some way. The realisation that we are not alone in this world comes with what should be the realisation that we are also responsible for others.

Yet this is the internal struggle I am facing right now. The endless battle that my mind wages against the world. 

How and why can suffering happen? 

How and why do people allow it? 

Why does it feel like humanity is losing the world to greed? 

I’m tired of being faced with selfish behaviour some my own.

I’m exhausted with people holding money over life.

Judgement not compassion.

Control not freedom.

Bigotry not acceptance. 

I want to hide away from it all right now. Behind the anonymity of untruth. I want to not care for a while. To not worry about the feelings of others. To be selfish but free.

Yet I know I cannot not, because as much as I want so desperately to find peace in my mind it’s never going to be found in untruth.

I have to venture on, somehow finding a new place of truth whilst desperately seeking a way to find harmony for my mind. 

Any suggestions?