So it’s seems my little man loves the hospital so much he had to return for another visit. This time of course he had to up the drama level a little or a lot as the case may be.

I’m exhausted both physically and mentally, my body aches and is craving sleep and my mind well maybe we better not go there. 

The thing is I know the life I have chosen to live could get scary, that adopting a child with such complex needs could take me back to a place of such anguish, fear and pain, I do understand this. 

Yet as I sit here in the hospital room after a few days of real fear all I am feeling is thankfulness. I’m so very grateful and honoured that I get to be by this little ones side when he struggled. So blessed that when he needed me I got to be there.  

I know some people do not understand my life’s choices, they see the risk, the pain and understandably they could never imagine putting themselves through it and I completely get that. I can honestly tell you that this week I was petrified. Yet even now as I still reel I know how lucky I am and I don’t doubt or regret my decision to adopt this little one. I am counting down the days till he is officially mine, my son, my heart, my world. 

Life is certainly going to be an adventure and whilst my life may be extremely different to others I am so very content, so very happy. 

And whilst I understand why people ask me “how can I ” my answer will always be “how couldn’t I”.

This boy may not have been born from my body but he certainly was born in my heart.