Sitting here in a hospital bay with a poorly little man is sending me on a journey of memories. Endless nights of observations, temperature checks and the general hustle and bustle of a hospital ward. I am so thankful for the wonderful NHS and all it’s amazing kind nurses and doctors and ward assistants and cleaners, yet I miss my Livvy. 

I remember as if it was yesterday how she took over the ward, how she charmed doctors with her cheeky smile and how her laughter infected the nurses. The handsome Physio who melted her little heart. There is nothing more special that watching your daughter play coy with the man that makes her work hard to stretch and bend. Even having chest Physio was ok as long as it was with the cute one. I’m smiling to myself right now because I remember when the handsome Physio had a trainee with him a lovely lady he told her how to work on Livvy yet he never expected Livvy to be a stubborn, obstinate little minx she would have none of it, she turned over in her bed and refused to even look at this poor trainee. Five minutes later the handsome Physio came to check up on his trainee and well wow there were the smiles and arms wide open ready to work again, what a madam. 

I feel her close whilst I’m here, I don’t know if is just the memories or the fact that it’s quiet and I’m allowing my mind to wander. But I feel her. I can sense her laughter, her joy for life. As I sit here and watch her new brother sleep I know she watching over him. 

This hospital had been the place of many awful memories but it has also blessed me with some wonderful ones and some wonderful ward mates that became dear friends. How I wish A was here with me now, how I long to spend the night talking and giggling until we got told off by the nurses. We put the world to right over those camp beds. It’s New Years tomorrow how I wish Ryan and Livvy were causing us trouble and drinking my wine. Love you A and your beautiful family. 

It’s a weird night and it could well be a long one. But I am so thankful for the wonderful NHS, how now whilst I may be wallowing in my memories they are caring for my little man. Working hard to get him well and home. I am watching him sweet talk the nurses with his beautiful smile. Pulling his tubes and giggling.
We are moving forward making memories that are different from how I planned but that’s life I guess 

Yet whilst my heart will always have a missing piece I am so thankful for all I have in my life. 

So very thankful.