I’m going to start this post with a truth, no matter how hard we try to deny it, it is simply a truth. Christmas when grieving sucks, it hurts, its hard and its so blooming wrong. No matter how far you are down this grief journey the fact that there is an empty space at the table, presents missing from under the tree and one less face to kiss simply sucks. There actually is no eloquent way to say this, “ it hurts’ “ The pain is deep’ IT SUCKS
Whilst I am super excited for Christmas this year and thrilled to have a new little one to share in our day nothing will ever fill the void, the emptiness that is left by Livvy. It doesn’t matter than I am adopting another child because he is his own sweet wonderful gift he isn’t and never will be a replacement for Livvy.
So how do we handle Christmas without those we love?
First thing is to be kind to yourself. I have pretended myself into a enormous amount of pain, hiding in the doing, slapping that great big fake smile on my face and acting like its all ok has only led to the pain of not being ok hitting me like a hammer, pounding deep into my heart. So first up we need to be kind to ourselves. I miss my daughter,my heart aches for my missing piece ,my arms beg to hold her just one more time. Its a pain like no other and by trying to pretend I’m ok I’m just making myself less ok. So be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it hurts.
Secondly, talk about them, honour them, do whatever you need to do to survive grief. Livvy is very much still a big part of our family, every Christmas we decorate her grave and on Christmas morning we visit with a big bunch of yellow glittery roses. Its not a lot but it gives me some peace. Her photo is on my tree and her stocking is on my wall. She is and always will be part of my celebrations.
Thirdly, give yourself time out, allow space for you to remember. I love spending Christmas afternoon whilst the kids are playing and the hubby is sleeping just spending time in my memories. Giving myself a Livvy hour allows me to acknowledge that I’m still struggling with losing her but also reminds me of how blessed I was to have her. Special time, special memories.
Fourth and most importantly, do whatever you need to do to get through this season. Ignore all that I have written or take away part of it. You see grief is different for us all, not one person will walk through it in the same way. The real survival technique is finding your own way. Map your own personal route. Christmas can be the most wonderful time of the year, yet it can also be the stark reminder of whats missing.
I want to wish you all a wonderful and kind Christmas, may you all have an amazing time, may your days be filled with magical memories new and old.