Living fully, dying empty 

“Talking about death makes me sad, I just don’t want to think about it” a statement made to me the other day. A friend had heard some awful news and was not sure how to handle it. She then turned to me to ask me my opinion only to see my face and the realisation of what she had said hit her. I knew death more than I wanted, it had visited me breaking my heart into pieces then left like a thief in the night.

I had no words for my friend so I just hugged her, you see I don’t want to think about death either, it sucks and I totally understand her desire to hide from life’s reality. 

“I’m sorry she said, but it’s just not time, I’m not ready for them to be gone”. How true are these words, it certainly wasn’t Livvy’s time and I’m still not ready for her to be gone. 

Then my friend turned to me and said, “I didn’t tell him how much I loved him”.  

How my heart broke for her right then and there. Like so many people she thought she had forever and now she is left with words unsaid and hugs not given. Now in this situation I know very well her loved one knew how much she loved whilst she may struggle with the words all that she did for him was love in action. He knew and to be fair they have never been the family to open their hearts but these words that are still on her tongue will stay with her a lifetime.

Nobody wants to talk about death, it’s the ultimate no go there conversation. We celebrate life and all its milestones, new births, birthdays, anniversaries and so much more. Yet I think death needs to be thought about more, talked about more.

Now I’m not going to suggest we sit there mopping around about the fact that one day we die but I am going to challenge you with a question.

“If you were to die tomorrow, would you have said all you wished to say”.

I often talk about dying empty, leaving everything right here in this world behind me. I want to live this life so open that no one ever has to wonder how I felt about them. 

I didn’t start off this way, I used to be introverted and guarded but having a daughter diagnosed with a devastating condition and the promise of tomorrow being stolen it changed my core being. 

It actually liberated me.

Liberated you, what in the world is this woman talking about? 

Well let me tell you. 

When a doctor sits you down and tells you that you don’t have forever, your whole perspective on life changes. You stop planning for the milestones and start enjoying the moments. 

It’s a wake up call that this life is to be lived. 

We don’t get do over’s we need to love deeply, have our hearts open widely and let laughter be the music of our soul.

It’s scary, it’s vulnerable but it’s real.

It’s living life fully and making sure we die empty. 

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