How do you do it?
How do you move forward?
How do you breathe again?
These are only a few of the questions I get asked often regarding grief. When people are lost in the pain, in the missing they need anything to hang on to. I know I did and at times I still do.
Grief is a unique journey, no two people can face it the same way. Your heart is individual so your pain will be too.
Some have to scream and rage and allow the anger to be free. Whilst others bury the heartbreak deep, hiding under layer of layer of pretence.
I don’t think there is a right way to grieve it’s about survival and that’s to be found in each of us differently.
At times I have raged against the world, screamed at God and actually hated others for surviving. While other times I have pretended, hid myself under a camouflage of “I’m ok”.
I think one of the worse grief moments I have faced was when I was told by another mum that “she wouldn’t have survived losing her child” as if the fact that I’m still here now is a disrespect to my beautiful girl. That I failed to love her enough.
This makes me so angry as I would have only failed my beautiful daughter if I had given up. If after watching her face battle after battle to live, I chose not to.
Grief is unique no one can understand the journey unless they are walking it. It’s like explaining a space walk whilst on the ground. You cannot fathom it, you cannot come close.
It’s a personal journey that people have to walk on their own but hopefully not alone.
It has its own timetable for each and everyone of us. Sometimes it’s five steps forward seven back.
The only advice I would offer is to be kind to yourself and to be true. Don’t hide how it hurts because if you don’t allow it out it will twist up inside of you. Speak to others, share your pain with those who are walking alongside you.
Remember those you have lost as they were. Laugh at the antics they used to pull, smile at their characters.
I truly believe they never leave you. So talk to them, let them know what you are up to, how much you miss them. I chat to Livvy daily, remarking on what are sisters are up to or how I may strangle her dad.
I was struggling to find the words to end this post. How do I explain my relationship with grief? How to convey how I would face this pain a million times over for Olivia. That although it hurts like crazy it is so worth it, because I got to be mom to this beautiful, brave girl.
Then I read a post from the beautiful Ann Voskamp and this just simply says it all.
I would pay the price again and again because simply she was worth it.