One incredible thing about life is that no two humans will experience the same one. Those with shared experiences will have these but their emotions and how the moments made them feel will be unique only to them.
Grief especially is like this, two people can walk a similar pathway but their emotional journey is their own.
Take my husband and I for example, we both lost Olivia but the way we have coped with it is very different. I am completely open with my pain where Alan tends to internalise it. We are both grieving but just differently and that’s ok. It’s our individuality that defines us. Our life experiences have created our own unique way of moving through life, our own way of coping, our own ability to survive.
I actually find this whole thing so interesting, some say that even in the womb we are being defined by life experiences, by the sounds we hear, by the feelings we feel, the stress chemicals we receive. John Bowlby would tell us that it’s the interactions we have with others that builds our inner working model, our individual way of viewing the world.
So it isn’t surprising that the way we experience life is different.
Just look at humour for an example how many times have you found yourself laughing out loud over a joke only to find others looking at you strangely as if to say, “that’s so not funny”. Or you have cried at a film only to find others unmoved.
We are all different, unique, emotional creatures.
So whilst this uniqueness is something to be embraced it is also something to remember when dealing with others, especially where grief is concerned.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
You simply have to do what you need to do to survive.
I’m actually writing this for myself right now.
Giving myself the reminder that I cannot expect others to understand my journey. My pathway is my own and only I can walk it.
Right now this post is my mirror on the wall and I’m telling myself to calm down and breathe.
People mean well and some just don’t get it and that’s ok and that is what makes them unique.
The way I feel right now, the things I feel that’s my emotional road to travel and that’s perfectly OK.