Wow today My husband and I celebrate 19 years of marriage, I think one or both of us deserve a medal or five ha ha.
What have I learned in the last 19 years?
Well, marriage is hard, fighting at times to stay together when walking away would be easier.
Learning to accept that you are both far from perfect. That you both are works in progress.
I’ve had to learn patience to understand when he doesn’t get me. To work harder at communicating. I cannot expect him to know what I’m thinking and feeling when for the most part I never know myself.
I’m sure he will tell you that listening is so important that often underneath my rage is me just asking to be loved. That somethings which seem little to him are often important to me.
I know I’ve had to learn to listen better too, sometimes when he says he doesn’t want to, it maybe because he feels uncomfortable or unsure. I have to learn not to expect him to have the answers all the time.
Time apart is good, it doesn’t mean you love each other less it’s about respecting the fact that you have different ideas of fun. Whilst a library may be my favourite place Alan so prefers his RC clubs or getting his hands dirty in his shed.
The kids are crafty they won’t think twice about playing mom and dad off against each other. So communicate as parents. “Dad said it was ok” has been my girls favourite since they became teens. Now dad says “I will check with mom” and vice and versa.
Love needs work, it’s so easy to get caught up in being parents, in work, that we forget to work on being husband and wife, on being lovers. Date nights are great but even an hour chatting together is lovely.
I still cannot believe it’s been 19 years since I said I will. Some days I want to strangle him, yet sometimes when he smiles at me or reaches for my hand I get that little flip in my stomach that takes me back to that 19 year old girl who fell head over heals.
I can honestly say it hasn’t been an easy 19 years. We have faced the worst heartbreak that can happen to parents, the loss of a child. Yet somehow instead of pulling apart we pulled together. Grief can destroy the strongest marriages but somehow we managed to grieve together. I had to learn that sometimes he cannot find the words to share his pain. He has had to understand that sometimes I have too many words.
I guess if truth be told I was lucky I fell in love with a man who wasn’t scared of fighting for what he wants. All the times I’ve tried to pull away he has just stayed strong. He understood my fear and just overrides it with love.
My husband has taught me that love can be true. That sometimes what people say is what they mean, and that promises can be kept.
I cannot believe that I have now nearly been married for half of my life. It seems crazy. In fact we have now been together over half of my whole lifetime. Most of my memories now have him at the core.
Yet still I am so excited about the future, the next 19 years.
Is it sad that I’m excited to grow old with this man.
We have so many plans, watching our girls grow up, maybe a marriage or two. Yet the greatest gift we have is being able to walk this life together.
Making new memories and cherishing on our old ones.
Happy Anniversary Alan, thank you for the last 19 years and here’s to many more.