I came across a video of a old country song last night called “Telephone in heaven”
After I finally stopped sobbing and pulled myself together I began to think about who I would call if there was a telephone to heaven.
Of course the first person on my dialling list would be my beautiful Olivia. How I would love to hear her giggle once more. I can barely remember the sound of her voice and this breaks my heart so desperately.
I wouldn’t know what to ask, I mean where would you start? So many things that I would want to say, I know she knows I love her ; but to get to say it to her one more time,if only. I want to know she is free from pain, that she is surrounded by loved ones. Things I’m sure of but would still love to be confirmed.
The second on my list would be be Grandad. This man was and still is my hero. Only now after raising my own children do I really realise what an incredible man he was. So patient, so true. I would want to know if I have made him proud, is he is looking after my Livvy? I miss his wise words and what I would give for the chance to take counsel from him once again. I miss just spending time with him talking about life, people and everything.
My third and fourth would be my nan and my other grandad. Both such special people that blessed my life. I would just love to check in and hear their voices.
Fifth would have to be a dear friend that left us way too soon. I would want to know that he is ok and that his demons don’t haunt him anymore.
I know this is crazy and I also know that the reality of this would be so different. I mean if I could speak to Livvy by telephone would I ever really be able to replace the handset again
I don’t think I could, talking to her would consume me.
Maybe that’s it, the acceptance stage of my grief. Am I finally coming to this stage in the circle of my life.
I’m not sure, what I do know is that I do talk to my beautiful girl, my grandads, my nan and all those that have gone before me each day. I share the days, my news and my tears with them all.
But still the concept of a telephone to heaven is on my heart today. Is crazy and its wishful.