I have travelled many roads in life but none has been or ever will be as long as grief.
Grief is a journey of twists and turns with gradients that rise and fall in a blink of an eye.
Sometimes the road is straight and the driving is smooth, then others are bumpy and hard to travel.
I honestly have no directions on this journey, I am beyond lost.
There are no guidelines or signs to help me through.
I’m just stumbling in the wilderness.
My heart is broken by loss, its torn apart by separation.
It crumbles a little more each time I see my children cry.
When they miss their sister.
When they ache to hold her.
Grief is toxic.
It has no constraints, like a force beyond nature it invades the souls of many.
It cares not about age, about understanding.
From the young to the old it destroys.
I often wonder how to survive grief?
How to fight against an enemy so strong?
What weapons do I have?
Yet my heart is the victim and also the aggressor.
As it is torn apart by grief it still grows in love.
Love is an arrow that shoots into the very heart of grief.
The only defence.
The only attack.
For once loved, one can love again.
For once loved one can hold on.
Though memories that curl around our hearts armour against destruction.
Grief may win many battles.
But it will not win the war.
Our Love will always conquer.
Because I was and always will be Livvy’s mom.
I knew her love.
I have her love.