Today I’m feeling really reflective. I guess birthdays often have that effect on people.
I’m 39 today.
I look at that number and it freaks me out. The following one the big 40 is so scary.
I never used to really consider age.
I’m remember turning 30 was hard for me. I think for a long time I had thought of my parents as being in their 30’s, so I was freaked out that I had reached it.
Yet wow 40 that’s gonna bite.
My 30’s have been one hell of a decade. I have faced more than I could have ever imagined.
Losing Olivia very nearly destroyed me if it hadn’t been for her legacy of strength and her beautiful sisters I’m not sure I would be here.
It’s certainly been a decade of pain.
Still it’s also been one with some hope.
I’ve found a job that I love. I have had my life blessed by children who are not mine from birth but are mine of heart.
I have made fantastic strides in my writing. Seen myself published and had many wonderful experiences thanks to the gift of words.
I’ve also been on what I call “my journey of self loving”. Finally learning to love myself as I am, not how I felt I should be. Modelling and walking a catwalk are things I never ever imagined I would achieve.
My life has been blessed with new friends, yet my heart aches for those that turned away too . Never expected it to be like this and I do desperately have a void in my heart. I miss them.
So I guess it’s been a roller coaster decade. The Ronan Keating song is running about my head on a crazy loop.
“Life is a roller coaster and you just got to ride it”.
How blooming true is this!
The ups and downs of my particular ride well, has left me either screaming with joy or sick to my stomach.
Yet my decade isn’t over. From today I have another 364 days to make it count.
I want to push my boundaries before the end of this year.
To challenge myself more.
To make those memories and maybe tip the scales of this decade to the side of the light not the darkness.
To one of joy not pain.
So here’s where I need your help.
What crazy memory making things have you done that you would like to share?
Special places you have been?
Art that needs to be seen?
Books that need to be read?
Food that needs to be tasted.
Sunsets that need to be watched.
I want to really live these last days of my 30’s. I want the decade to hold more joy that pain ( if thats possible).
Help me remember my 30’s with a smile rather than tears.