It happens out of the blue.
One moment I’m fine the next I’m curled up in a ball sobbing my heart out.
Grief is a crazy journey that causes me to feel so lost and disorientated at times.
It’s been four and half years yet at times it feels more like four and a half days.
I cry out in my dreams as I reach out to touch my beautiful girl and slowly she disappears just out of my grasp.
I feel angry, the emptiness that can only be filled by her is raging in my soul.
I’m shouting why to the heavens.
Why my daughter?
Why my livvy ?
People tell me I need to move forward.
How is that possible when a part of you is in the past?
It’s a strange concept
I understand life goes on but it feels as if a part of me will be left in 2008 forever.
My pillow is wet from tears,
The raw aching sobs smothered by the feathers.
That’s all I have at times.
I have to allow the pain to wash over me.
Allow myself to grieve.
If I didn’t I would explode
Like a ballon being overfilled with gas.
You have to loose it otherwise it will go pop.
I know I have eternity but right now, right at this moment I am homesick.
I close my eyes and allow myself to see her.
Allow myself the memories.
I watch her YouTube video on silent, not wanting to wake anyone.
Not wanting to explain or share.
This my time
This is me time
My Livvy time.