My Livvy time

It happens out of the blue.

One moment I’m fine the next I’m curled up in a ball sobbing my heart out.

Grief is a crazy journey that causes me to feel so lost and disorientated at times.


It’s been four and half years yet at times it feels more like four and a half days.


I cry out in my dreams as I reach out to touch my beautiful girl and slowly she disappears just out of my grasp.


I feel angry, the emptiness that can only be filled by her is raging in my soul.


I’m shouting why to the heavens.


Why my daughter?


Why my livvy ?


People tell me I need to move forward.


How is that possible when a part of you is in the past?


It’s a strange concept


I understand life goes on but it feels as if a part of me will be left in 2008 forever.


My pillow is wet from tears,


The raw aching sobs smothered by the feathers.


It hurts


That’s all I have at times.


It hurts 


I have to allow the pain to wash over me.


Allow myself to grieve.


If I didn’t I would explode


Like a ballon being overfilled with gas.


You have to loose it otherwise it will go pop.


I know I have eternity but right now, right at this moment I am homesick.


I close my eyes and allow myself to see her.


Allow myself the memories.


I watch her YouTube video on silent, not wanting to wake anyone.


Not wanting to explain or share.


This my time


This is me time


My Livvy time.



2 thoughts on “My Livvy time

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