I’m not staying quiet

Are you a parent?

Do you think about your child everyday?

Do you rejoice in their achievements?

Share their antics with friends?

I will go out on a limb here and hazard a guess that the answer to the above questions is a YES.

I’m a parent, I have four beautiful girls. I dote on them all, they each have a unique personally that I simply adore.

Each have their own goals and have their own achievements.

I cherish every moment of them and yes at times I have wanted to literally strangle them.

Hey I’m human

Hey I’m a parent.

Yet for me there is one difference one of my children is in heaven. For the last four years death has separated me from my baby.

Yet she still is my daughter.

She is still her sisters sister.

Granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend.

Her death doesn’t just remove her from our life.

So I struggle to understand why people expect me to stay quiet.

To not mention my beautiful girl.

To not comment about her.

To not state how much my heart aches without her.

It’s as if people expect me to forget.

I love life, I cherish every moment of it. I love watching my girls grow, change and experience things.

I am moving forward but moving on doesn’t mean I have to forget.

I can remember her cheeky smile, her soft hands and her strong left hook.

I can remember her infectious giggle that would send us all into laughter.

I can remember, I can share.

She is still my daughter.

I’m not being held back, I’m moving forward with Livvy in my heart in my memory.

Of course at times the missing overwhelms, yet even in the pain I embrace life.

Life is a gift each day is a new present waiting to be unwrapped.

Yet just like every parent will tell you the moment you have your child. That child holds a piece of your heart wherever they are. Heaven or earth my girls are my heart and they always will be.

So don’t ask to me to stay quiet about Livvy. She is part of my life and always will be.

4 thoughts on “I’m not staying quiet

  1. Sharon

    I would never, ever expect you to forget, not talk about Livvy, to never mention her name….how could you not?
    Livvy is remembered by all that had the privilege to meet her, to hear her infectious giggle, to see her radiant smile and to witness her wicked personality.
    Livvy moves forward with us all and will be remembered and talked about always.
    xxx

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  2. I can’t fathom the pain of losing a child. My heart starts crying even when I come close to thinking about losing one of mine.

    I would imagine no one ever expects you to forget your daughter. And I do know you will always think about her. Always love and miss her. I think there must be a balance somewhere that God gives our hearts, to hold closely those we miss and long for, and yet be healthy and happy in the lives He still has given us and the precious ones surrounding us. To find that balance is probably a real treasure.

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  3. I think people just don’t know what to say do they? And they find it so uncomfortable. My sister died before I was born, I know my mum struggled when people (strangers) asked how many children she had -5 (with one in heaven) leaves awkward silences and leads to uncomfortable conversations, not really idle chit chat at the bus stop; but to say 4 felt like denying her. As a child we grew up knowing all about our sister, she was and is part of the family. Xxx

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