Losing a child breaks you in a way that can never be repaired.
You hold yourself together by pieces and patches.
Stress and fear becomes your companion. Imagine if your worse fear can come true everything else is a possibility.
People tell me to not to stress to trust but I did once before and I lost my daughter.
It’s so hard to just believe. To allow myself to let go of fear.
I try, I promise I try but sometimes grief is the only emotion I can fight so anxiety, fear and panic slip in under the radar.
I make myself promise
I’m not going to care as much
I’m going to switch off more
Take a step back from situations that really don’t effect me.
But I don’t, my heart engages before my head.
Life is complicated full of ups and downs and some how I need to learn how to go with the flow.
Any ideas, any suggestions all are welcome, I need 2013 to be the year I take control of my heart.
Rebel with kindness 
verse from somewhere in Psalms
What time I am afraid I will trust in You.
Try reading and really reflecting on the Psalms this year.
Hope I am not being too offensive when I say–please don’t hold on to fear,pain and hurt–be willing to give it to the Lord.
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Sometimes you can not take control of your heart. You just have to trust that your head will lead you and your heart to the right place. If we know the pain you had gone through, many people would not or could not continue. My nice lost a child and it changed her forever.
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