Not in a great place

Compassion, empathy two things that can bring comfort to many.

Yet when you know the pain people are facing it can also bring a reality you don’t want to face closer.

Knowing that people you love are hurting is hard to face.

The pain of loss is like no other and I pray I could bring some comfort but for this there is none.

I just cannot get to sleep tonight, my mind is whirring. Later on today I am attending a funeral. The laying to rest of a beautiful young lady who lost her battle to Rett Syndrome, only 13, too young to die.

I have to stand and watch the pain on the faces of her devastated parents. To watch them try to hold it together.

Is it selfish to wish I didn’t know their pain, to not understand the brokenness of their heart.

It was only four years and six days ago I was those parents, staring in disbelief at the wooden box holding my baby girl.
Praying I would wake up from this nightmare.

I didn’t

I haven’t

And I’m struggling now to understand this life and this crazy world.

Why are young beautiful girls losing their battles?

Rett Syndrome sucks.

My head is so full of questions and my heart is overflowing with anger.

Its not a great place to be.

But nothing makes sense anymore.

I am so lost right now.

Will I ever find my way back?

Do I want to find my way back?

Right now I just don’t know.

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