Four Years

Somedays I can reach out to a photo and almost touch her. I close my eyes and smell her sweet baby powder aroma.

She isn’t gone,

it was all a horrid dream

My baby is still here with me.

But those somedays are few, for the most part she is out of my reach.

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Like a memory balancing on the edge of a cliff waiting for that one gust of wind to allow it to fall into the abyss of forgetting.

The mind is an amazing thing but at times it goes into protection mode to allow you to survive.
To stay in that emotion filled place is impossible your sanity wouldn’t survive.
So your mind protects, defends and shields your heart.

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It’s been four years since that devestating morning.

Four years since we last witness that beautiful smile or heard that infectionious giggle.

Four years since my heart laid shattered into millions of pieces.

I’m still numb, still praying it is just a evil nightmare.

People ask the question “how do you cope?”

What a misnomer, who is coping? I’m surviving simply by grace alone.

Holding on to my girls as the breathe I need for my lungs.

Holding on to my husband as the strength I need to get out of bed each morning.

Holding on.

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My heart is in protection mode and there is will stay because I cannot live in that place.

That place of reality, that place of an untruth.

Because She isn’t gone, she is just out of reach for a while.

I hold on to the promise

I hold on to the gift of eternity.

One day I will hold her again.

One day I will be reunited

One day forever will be ours.

One day the pieces of my heart will be restored.

So I’m holding on

Holding on for that one day.

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Four years may seem like a lifetime but it will be a blink of an eye in eternity.

I miss you Miss Olivia Georgia, not a moment goes by when I don’t, but one day my precious daughter we will be together again and nothing, nothing will part us.

Love you to the moon, stars and back Liv Biv my beautiful precious girl.

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