Forgotten

OH my dear beautiful girl I have forgotten….

 

What you taught us on those endless hospital nights, when the wards seemed empty and all I could hear was the infernal beeping of those annoying but lifesaving machines and the gentle beating of your precious heart.

 

I’ve forgotten what I saw in those doctors eyes when the words they spoke were taking away all our tomorrows.

 

I’ve forgotten 

 

I close my eyes and try to remember, to just hear those sweet infectious giggles once again.

 

But I’ve forgotten.

 

Dad and I are tumbling head first into the world of forgetfulness, losing hold of the life that you taught us to live.

 

Forgetting to search for the gift that each day brings, the moment when that forever memory can be made.

 

I’ve forgotten 

 

We’ve forgotten 

 

Letting ourselves fall into the endless bog of circumstance and reality.

 

Forgetting to dance under the rainbows and search for leprechauns with a pots of gold.

 

Forgotten.

 

Those days of random dances in the middle of a store because the song we loved was playing over the radio.

 

To smile at people in the street as you chuckled away from your wheelchair.

 

To hug each other so tight until we cannot breathe anymore.

 

We’ve forgotten 

 

 

 

When was the last time I laid back and watched the clouds

 

When was the last time I tickled your sisters until they cried.

 

My baby, my precious baby, I’ve forgotten.

 

I’ve let the anger of loss slowly eat away at my heart.

 

Getting colder and colder until the icicles formed.

 

Ive forgotten 

 

To let the tears just fall and let the heart wrenching sobs escape my soul.

 

 

I need to breathe again

 

I need to trust again.

 

 

But I’ve forgotten 

 

We knew we didn’t have forever but we had today and that was enough, but now yesterday seems so far away and this moment isn’t enough.

 

I want to dance in the rain again

 

Catch fairies as they fly through the air

 

I want to breathe so deep and not feel the ache thats buried there 

 

I haven’t forgotten

 

 

How can things be the same?

 

How can the world keep on turning and why wont it stop and let me off?

 

The newspapers keep on printing and the radio keeps on playing.

 

 

You taught us all so much and in those nine precious years you gave a lifetime full of love.

 

Joy was a gift that was available to us, all we just had to do was unwrap this present they call life.

 

Whose knows what tomorrow may bring, I certainly don’t

 

But I can live for today.

 

I can tell everyone I meet how special they are

 

How wonderful it is that I’ve met them

 

That they are not forgotten

 

Just by being in your presence people felt love, your smile could make someone’s day.

 

I want to tell people to embrace the moment, not in a morbid you may die tomorrow way, but in a hey today is so beautiful way.

 

Our motto for you was Never say never

 

You defied the odds until our luck ran out

 

But you are the gift that keeps on giving

 

You are the heart that now beats in others.

 

Your love lives on in me, you dad, your sisters and anyone who knew and loved you.

 

 

 

 

I miss my old life so desperately 

 

But I will not forget what you taught me

 

Each day is a gift a new beginning 

 

So I’m going to start unwrapping the presents that I’ve been given

 

Stop wishing the days away

 

Stop holding on to the past

 

I’ve not forgotten 

 

 

 

How can I forget,

 

 

You are right here in my heart reminding me.

In my heart.

7 thoughts on “Forgotten

  1. Beautiful. I cannot imagine how you feel so I won’t try to. I have told you before how strong you are and I will say it again. Livvy will be looking down on you and smiling. I bet she is so proud of her Mummy xx

    Like

  2. michelle

    I lost my precious girl Belle who also had retts 1 year ago and this is a beautiful poignant and sweet reminder of your journey with your darling. thank you for sharing.. much love x

    Like

    1. admin

      It’s so hard isn’t it. I’m just trying to make the most of each day just like Livvy and I’m sure Belle did. Big hugs to you and if you ever need to talk I’m here x

      Like

  3. Rett mum Wendy

    Wonderful words of wisdom and bravery.Has got me thinking that perhaps its not wise to live as we do just hoping and praying it won’t be our daughters turn next.x

    Like

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